Artemis Fowl: The Heart of Time
by That Aerin
Summary: Artemis searches for the answer to his strange memories with an eccentric idiotic girl, but the pieces of the puzzle just aren't fitting. Meanwhile, the People are in danger, and the only solution is something that can save them- or destroy them. (Ch 11)
1. Prologue: Shadows of the Past

Prologue: Shadows of the Past

**Ancrya, the 21st year of the reign of Frond IV, and his queen, Corus**

"I do not want it."

The smaller elf bent down graciously, looking petrified. "Your majesty, it is a gift—think of the wonders you can do for your people—"

"And the evil it can bring in the wrong hands. Destroy it."

"_It cannot be destroyed," _an ancient voice spoke from behind the king.

"What is it, Ohm?" Frond IV looked at prophet. The frail pixie was wrinkled with age, but his predictions had always come true. A better phlegm pot prophet was never found. 

Ohm blinked, but did not speak.

Frond sighed. It was difficult to get more than a sentence from him at times, but having a notable prophet had its prices.

The other elf started again. "Merlin said that this would help stop the fading—and only you and your heirs can use it, so it can't fall into the wrong hands!"

Frond gave the elf a calculating look. _Never trust humans,_ his father had told him. He gripped his chair tightly. The People have not been doing well in the past year—for some strange reason, their magic was weakening, causing more and more fairies to move into Ancrya for safety from the humans. _If this might solve the problem…_

"Merlin said only the Frond line is capable of using it?"

"Well…using the most of its power…a elf or human might be able to do something, I don't know…"

Frond's blood ran cold. Already, it was posing a danger. "Very well. Give it here. You are dismissed."

He turned over the small object in his hands. It glinted golden in the sunlight. "I shall use it to save my People…then it must be destroyed," Frond murmured to no one in particular.

_"It cannot be destroyed,"_ Ohm repeated.

Frond glanced at him, displeased. "Broken up then. I shall have my smiths take it apart and hide it, so no one will ever use it again."

Ohm shuddered, and when he spoke, it was in an ominous chanting voice that seemed deep and unlike his own.

_"Broken apart, its work is not yet done._

_The Heart of time has only begun._

_Born of human and fairy life,_

_She may bring peace or trouble and strife._

_Joined with one fowl by name and foul by nature,_

_The disease she may cure._

_Beware of discord and enmity_

_Between two peoples who cannot see._

_Blind to each other, dead alone,_

_They must join together and become one._

_Broken paths she may mend,_

_Only then shall the Heart of time end._

Ten years earlier, The Lower Elements, Haven City, Police Plaza 

"Alright, Short, here's your chance."

A small female elf with a pretty face nearly jumped to attention, hazel eyes bright with excitement. "Yes, Commander Vinyáya?"

"We normally do not allow trainees to fly shuttles, but no other pilots are available right now, and it is essential for Captain Root to get aboveground pronto. With your exceptional performance in the exams last week, I think you can manage."

Holly grinned, then wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Why can't he drive the shuttle himself?"

"He has to watch the other passengers, Short."

"What other passengers?" Holly asked, curious. She wasn't doing a tourist flight, was she? She didn't train for the LEP to drive old tourists around.

Vinyáya looked her down. "Get to terminal three, Short. Now."

Holly Short sat down comfortably in the shuttle pilot's seat. It was a bit old-fashioned, but she was going to be piloting nevertheless. She grinned with excitement. Her first mission. Captain Root didn't seem to have arrived yet, nor had his passengers. _I'll be a Captain too one day,_ thought Holly determinedly. 

A grumpy voice interrupted her daydream of herself wearing the Captain's badge. "Short, is it?"

"Yes, sir," said Holly, looking at him.

"Stop daydreaming. We have to get to Tara before sunup, and I expect it to be a swift flight." Captain Root glared at her and stepped back out, muttering, "Why they stuck me with a rookie I don't know…"

Holly grimaced and glanced out the window where Root was approaching two fairies and a larger one. Wait—was that a _human?_

Holly held her breath. She had never seen a human up close before—this one seemed large and had a rather menacing glint in his eyes.

The smaller fairy—they both looked like elves to Holly—shrieked loudly as Root tried to wrench her away from the other fairy. 

"NO! MOMMY!" The female toddler packed quite a pair of lungs. Holly's heart clenched as the little girl began to sob uncontrollably as Root picked up her and practically threw her in the shuttle. He strapped her harness roughly and went back outside.

"Mommy," the small elf whimpered. 

Holly tore her eyes away from the window, where Root was directing some officers and they were leading the girl's mother away. "Hi," said Holly.

The girl elf hiccupped. She was a cute thing, and had pretty amethyst eyes. 

"My name is Holly. What's yours?" she asked.

Hiccup.

"How old are you?"

The girl hiccupped again, then held up five fingers. 

Holly blinked. She had expected her to be at least ten, most likely twelve. At five, most fairies had barely learned how to say "Mommy." 

Holly raised an eyebrow at the human that Root was leading into the shuttle. On the other hand, humans aged much faster than fairies. This one, she supposed was about thirty. Holly, at seventy, was still considered by most a teenager. 

The human man glared at Holly while he bucked on his harness next to the little girl. "It's okay, it's okay," he tried to say soothingly to the still hiccupping girl. She bore a striking resemblance to him, with the same dark wavy hair.

Captain Root stepped back into the shuttle and was carrying what Holly recognized as mind wiping equipment. "What are you doing? You can't erase that girl's memory of her mother!"

Holly clenched her fists as Root glared at her. "There will be no more conversation on this flight, Short. And that's an order."

And so, Holly conveniently neglected to tell him about the slip of paper poking through the man's fist as Root mind wiped the man and the girl.

Joe's Pawn Shop, Dublin, Ireland 

"Do you like this one?"

"No, Daddy."

"What about this?"

"No."

"This one?" He held up a sparkling golden chain. 

The little girl pouted. "I don't like this game anymore, Daddy. Why do we always have to buy shiny stuff?"

"Because it is very important, darling. And I need your help. Do you like this necklace?"

"Okay, Daddy. That one is nice. Can we go get ice cream now?"

He smiled as he bought the chain. It tinkled merrily as they walked down the street to the ice cream parlor, the little girl asking more questions and skipping cheerfully.

"Can we get chocolate chip, Daddy?"

"Yes, darling. Thank you very much for your help."

Her face lit up with pride, then looked up at her father in confusion. "But how can I help, Daddy? I'm just an ordinary girl."

"Not just any ordinary girl, darling. Not at all."


	2. Chapter One: Artemis the Hunter

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland; Present Day**

Artemis Fowl the Second clicked quietly away at his laptop. It was late at night; the only light came from the soft glow of the screen. Raven hair at a slant carefully framed a pale face with piercing blue eyes. Eyes that were forever watching.

A painting hung on his dormitory room wall, painted by Artemis himself. Artemis had started it as a forgery of an Arthur Rackham painting which depicted a fairy in flight. But it had soon taken on a life of its own and had turned out substantially different from Rackham's original.  The original fairy was dressed in a gauzy material, had translucent wings, green eyes, and long red hair. Somehow, while Artemis was caught in the fervor of the painting, the fairy had acquired hazel eyes, shorter hair (which Artemis presumed was a pixie cut, of all things), black wings that seemed almost solid, and green clothing that shimmered and seemed to blend in with the night. The Rackham painting had been titled _Lily._ Disgusted, Artemis wanted to throw it away the unsuitable forgery, but he could not. Renamed _Holly_ it graced the bare wall, the only decoration in the entire room.

The rest of the dormitory was a clutter of electronic paraphernalia and books. They had mostly been hastily piled on an empty bed that should have belonged to Artemis' roommate. The roommate, a Josh Anderson, had taken one look at Artemis and his laptop on the first day of school and requested a room change. 

The clicking stopped and Artemis leaned back in his chair, satisfied. His blue eyes glittered, reflected on the display of an eBay auction. 

 Perhaps this would finally help him remember, Artemis mused. The rather large ring—the picture hadn't done it justice—was engraved with many symbols, which, at first glance, seemed Egyptian. After examining the picture closely on his own laptop, he deduced that at least seven of the "hieroglyphs" were not Egyptian at all. Artemis had the troublesome feeling that he had seen them before. There was also a hole in the ring, as if a part was missing. _This time tomorrow I shall have the solid version in my hands,_ thought Artemis. It had been almost a year since Artemis had first discovered the mirrored contact lenses in his eyes, and at fifteen he had still not found out what enemy had placed them there. There was also the fact that for the past two years, he had been plagued by half-memories, glimpses of recognition of odd things, that when he investigated further upon, the memory disappeared. He knew that if he had a solid grasp on one of these _things_, then the rest of the memories would follow.

Three…two…one. The auction was over. Artemis smirked as he clicked Refresh, to see the text:

**Bidding has ended for this item **(blackcat13 is the winner)

_What?_ Artemis thought angrily. A familiar scowl spread across his face as he clicked on the bidding history.

**Bidding History (highest bids first)**

blackcat13                         Jul-12-03 09:39:36 PDT

artemisthehunter                  Jul-12-03 09:39:12 PDT

The blackcat13 person had only beat him with 2 seconds left until the auction had ended. Artemis clicked on the username and browsed the information offered. There was no name; the bidder only called herself the Black Cat (undoubtedly a female, Artemis couldn't think of any self-respecting male who would decorate their About Me page with curlicues and other feminine articles). "I am your bad luck—watch out!" proclaimed the page. The only worthy information other than more taunts was the location of the bidder—Ireland.

_You just crossed the wrong person,_ thought Artemis Fowl II. 

**The Lower Elements, Operations Booth, Police Plaza, Haven City**

Foaly settled in grumpily in his chair, his tail swinging noisily. "The LEP technical genius, more patented inventions than any fairy alive—and what is he doing? Grunt work."

"Shut up, Foaly, and get to work."

"Ah, is that you, Commander? I could tell by your lusty tones, Root—"

"Shut up, or your paycheck is going to shrink."

Foaly chuckled to himself as he turned off the intercom. Root threatened to cut his wages everyday, and he had yet to do it. After a few seconds of typing several short commands, his computer program—invented by Foaly, of course—started running a search of the Internet for anything remotely fairy-related. As usual, much of the stuff was mere human fancy—Foaly tagged the sites so they wouldn't show up again on his next search. He readjusted his foil cap as a personal site came up, flashing bright red. 

"Hmm…" Foaly drawled.

There was a very blurry snapshot among others in what looked like a Rita Greenfield's online photo album of her visit to Disneyland, Paris. The snapshot was of a diminutive green creature—something that looked fairly like an elf, if you looked closely. 

"Commander Root," Foaly spoke over the intercom.

"What?"

"I believe we have a situation."

Foaly could hear Root's breath over the intercom. "Classify."

"Digital picture. Blurry."

"Well, then delete it! Don't bother me unless it's an _emergency_, Foaly!" shouted Root, and then the connection was cut off.

"_Emergency, Foaly! Emergency!"_ mimicked Foaly in his Operations Booth. He didn't get much entertainment from his work, other than making fun of Commander Root. In fact, ever since Artemis Fowl had been mind wiped, there had been little trouble for the People. Well, recently, many fairies appeared to have gotten sick, but it was, as Root kept on telling him, "just a bug going around." 

Foaly hummed with a smile, still giddy over his last raise, as he hacked into Rita Greenfield's computer and site and removed the picture. 

Another site flashed red. The scientific journal of Alexander Trasovan, a famous Russian scientist. 

Foaly read the file, the smile wiped from his face. "D'arvit!" he swore.

"ROOT!" he shouted over the intercom.

"What now, Foaly?" scowled Root, who by this time was extremely annoyed.

"I'm sending you a file that was found on a scientific journal from Russia."

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Foaly could hear Root swearing over the intercom loud enough for the entire office to hear. At another time, Foaly would have found this extremely amusing. 

But not today.

"What the heck does this mean, Foaly?" asked Root.

_On the night of June 14, Alexander Trasovan and a group of explorers found two mysterious bodies frozen in ice off the Artic Circle. "This is nothing like we have ever seen," said one scientist, who wished to remain anonymous. "It's almost as if these things came out of a fairy tale."_

_The bodies were reptilian in nature, but had a humanoid structure with arms, legs, and opposable thumbs. Closer examination of the bodies and carbon testing revealed that they were fairly recent—they could have been frozen for longer than five years. Another unexplainable factor about the bodies is that the reptilian skin, mostly in the area of the mouth and nose, were fireproof._

_Trasovan, who had long believed that another species mankind has never known about went into extinction some time ago, and was refused many times by the Russian government to pursue his investigations. With the new evidence of this other species, it is highly possible that Trasovan will get the grants._

_An autopsy of the bodies revealed that the two "Goblins," as they were dubbed by Trasovan, did not perish because of the weather, but because of extreme laser exposure._

_"It is imperative that we find this other species," said Trasovan, "It appears they already know about us. If they are advanced enough to use laser power, then they are most unfortunately a dangerous threat to mankind."_

_Trasovan believes that this other species dwells deep underground, although he has no proof. The bodies and the autopsies, however, are new scientific discoveries, and if the government grants Trasovan the money, then he will most likely commence the search for this species. _

"Well, centaur? What does this mean?"Root's gruff voice brought Foaly back from nightmares of Mud Men descending upon Haven City, destroying everything.

"It means, Commander, that we have been discovered."

**Author's Notes: **yes, the two goblins discovered were D'Nall and Aymon, the two B'wa Kell goblins who were shot in the Artic Circle. J Kudos to anyone who can find the Harry Potter reference. Rita Greenfield is not it. Please review! All any comments/constructive criticism would be appreciated. If you read this story, but have not reviewed, to me, you don't exist. Boo. I will get depressed and will attempt to throw a horny toaster at you. 


	3. Chapter Two: Enter the Night

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland;12:39 AM**

There was a sharp rap at the door. Artemis glanced up. Another rap. 

"State your presence and purpose," he said icily.

"I…uh…it's Josh—Josh Anderson. Can I come in?"

Artemis opened the door partway. It was Anderson, looking rather frightened, surrounded by his belongings. Artemis raised his eyebrows at him, which seemed to make Anderson more nervous. "Well?"

"Look, I just need somewhere to kip—"

Artemis looked him in the eyes. Anderson had one blue eye, one hazel, was one of the star varsity football players, and was considered by many of the younger students very frightening. At the moment, however, Anderson was wavering under Artemis' pale blue stare. "It is," Artemis stated coldly, "near one o'clock in the morning. There is one week of school left. Surely you can cope."

"Mate, you don't understand—"

"Enlighten me. And do not refer to me as your 'mate.'"

Anderson looked around the hallway, as if invisible specters were watching him. "My roommate is gay. I think he was writing slash fiction—I just don't like sleeping in the same room as him, okay?"

Artemis glanced at the most popular boy in school, who was somehow frightened beyond reasoning. He sighed half-heartedly and said, "Very well. But first you must let me clear away some of my articles to make room for your," Artemis glanced at the boxes filled with various clothing, football gear, and pile of textbooks, "rubbish."

Anderson blinked, and stepped back as the door slammed in his face.

Artemis glanced around his cluttered room. He had grown accustomed to the space, but Anderson was going to be one important part of the plan he was forming. Artemis roughly cleared away the electronic devices on the extra bed into a spare box and shoved this under his own bed. He hid carefully some of the manuscripts that he had been deciphering, and as a final thought, took the painting _Holly_ and placed it carefully under the bed as well.

Artemis opened the door. Anderson grinned at him determinedly, as if he was ready to get along with Artemis no matter what. "Thanks, mate, I really owe you."

"Indebted to me," whispered Artemis with a sinister smile that went unnoticed by Anderson.

"Did you say something?" Anderson huffed as he carried his boxes into the room. 

Artemis chose not to reply as he watched his room grow smaller and smaller.

Anderson was chatting away about something irrelevant and incomprehensible (Artemis had never known someone to use the words _bloody hell_ and _toaster_ in the same sentence) as he pinned up pictures of girls cut out from magazines on the wall. Artemis Fowl II raised another eyebrow when the entire wall was covered in pictures within minutes.

Anderson grinned at Artemis again, this time with a wink. "You like that, don't you, Fowl?"

"I do not drool like a disgusting primeval male over poor replications of—" Artemis stopped.

"What?" asked Anderson, clearly not very sharp. 

Artemis had forgotten his biting remark as his glaze chanced upon a girl in a lavender summery dress. She had dark hair fluttered in the wind, and she was walking barefoot on a cloudy day at a beach, the waves lapping over her toes. 

But Artemis barely noticed the beauty of the girl and the scene. His eyes were focused on the tattoo on the girl's left ankle. "Who is this?"

Anderson grinned cheekily. "That's Alanis. Only fifteen, believe that? She also models for Armani, Bloomingdale's, the Gap—"

Artemis caught the name and left Anderson to dreamily describe her assets…but the _tattoo._ He darted across the room, yanked open his desk, pulled out a magnifying glass, and focused on the left ankle. 

Anderson was chuckling. "Hey, mate, if you like that picture so much you can keep it."

Artemis, who had already taken the picture down and to his desk to examine it more closely, ignored him.

The tattoo was a beautiful design of curlicues and some runic symbols that looked, from afar, like Egyptian hieroglyphs. Closer inspection revealed symbols _that Artemis had seen before._ Even with the magnifying glass, it was too small to examine it too meticulously. 

"Alright, I'm going to sleep, mate."

Artemis spun around, his ice blue eyes flashing dangerously. "_What_ did I say about calling me 'mate?'"

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland; Breakfast**

Artemis glanced at the array of breakfast foods and scowled. _One more week of school and I'll be at home with my caviar._ He selected some fresh fruit and sipped some orange juice. Vile stuff from concentrate. Artemis pursed his lips and set the glass down as the headmaster rose to his feet to address the school.

"Gentlemen, today we have a very important visitor," said the balding principal Eric Guiney. He wiped his shiny pate nervously. "Jonathan Night is an extremely important man. I expect each and every one of you to show respect to him. What he will see today may reflect how much more funding we will receive from the school board, meaning—"

"That if you do not behave like well bred gentlemen, you will expect me to be extremely disappointed in you," drawled Artemis to himself in a bored voice.

"If you do not behave like well bred gentlemen, you will expect me to be extremely disappointed in you," finished the principal, who wiped the shining sweat from his head again.

The schoolboys looked around edgily. Of course, whenever the principal said this, it meant whoever crossed his path would most likely receive detention and remain in the principal's bad graces.

The principal had hated Artemis from the start of the school year, so this little speech hardly mattered to him. Artemis let a small smile cross his face, remembering the button camera he had installed in Guiney's office, and the scene he had broadcast to the entire school of Guiney singing and shaving his head. Guiney had never found the culprit, but he never looked Artemis in the eye from that point on.

The front doors burst open, and two large men entered. _Bodyguards,_ thought Artemis. _How important does this man think he is?_

"Ah, Mr. Night! Come in, come in! Welcome!" said Guiney, rushing over to another man who appeared behind the bodyguards. 

"Dr. Guiney," said Night, shaking the hand of the principal. "These are my men Arno and Demetri."

"Hello," said Guiney, shifting his eyes toward the large men. 

"Daddy," interrupted a young female voice, "Do I have to stay here the _whole day?_"

"Yes, darling," said Night, then turning back to Guiney, "This is my daughter, Alanis."

"I—oh—you didn't say you were bringing your daughter—er—welcome—come in, no need to stay standing outside—"

"Her boarding school finished last week, and I fear for her safety alone."

The men had started walking towards Guiney's office, leaving the girl to follow behind. As she walked, she left a trail of gaping, drooling, slack-jawed, wide-eyed, hormone-driven, goggling, gawking schoolboys in her wake.

The beauty removed her sunglasses and shook out her long, black hair. She was wearing a dark violet sleeveless dress that was cut very short, revealing a pair of long, pale legs. Knee high matching violet boots tapped loudly against the polished floor. 

Artemis Fowl, coolly composed, found he was practically the only boy in the whole school who did not have his mouth open or eyes glazed in worship. He took another sip of the vile-from-concentrate orange juice. _They act as if they have never seen a female before,_ he thought. _Then again, they do go to an all male boarding school. And she is a very fine representation of the female species._

"That's her, that's her!" came an exited voice a few chairs away from Artemis. It was Anderson, no doubt about to spout off some nonsense. "It's that model I was telling you about!" Anderson was holding a ripped out magazine picture of her, and ran forward. 

"Alanis! Can I have your autograph?" he asked sheepishly.

Alanis placed a small violet purse in Anderson's hands, opened it, pulled out a feathered purple pen, and signed it.

Anderson beamed at her, and Alanis took back her purse and walked off, boots strumming against the floor. She entered the office, and the door slammed behind her.

The breakfast hall was in an uproar. Every boy had rushed over to congratulate Anderson, look at the picture, or just be gaping, drooling, slack-jawed, wide-eyed, hormone-driven, goggling, gawking schoolboys. 

The boy next to Artemis had the picture, and was examining it with a toothy grin, giving Artemis a clear view.

The picture was a duplicate of the one Artemis had studied over with a magnifying glass the night before, and a curlicued signature was gracing the left corner. It was the girl with the tattoo. 

Suddenly, Artemis was very interested in this Alanis Night. 

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland; Fencing 101**

Artemis ruffled his raven black hair and scowled. He had yet to actually meet Alanis and ask her about her tattoo. She had been appearing in various classes throughout the morning, and by what he had pieced together from various conversations, she was good at French and could slap very well.

Derek Montague, who was still sporting a red cheek, was regaling the tale as he strapped on his fencing suit. "And so, I said to her this line from that Lady Marmalade song—I dunno, vooloo vocooshay something, and BAM! She just slaps me, just like that!"

Artemis smirked, and put his mask on. "After taking French, Montague, I would expect you to know that _voulez vous coucher avec moi_ means 'Do you want to sleep with me?' And your father is French as well, correct?"

Montague turned an unhealthy shade of red, his red cheek turning purple as Artemis strode out of the changing room.

Montague spat furiously. None of the other boys looked him in the eye. After all, none of them wanted to take on Fowl. Ever since he had disappeared two years ago with that large butler of his (none of them knew the butler, was in fact, named Butler), he had returned and had built up considerably—perhaps Fowl had taken lessons with the large butler? (Which he had. Butler had been very pleased at Artemis' progress.)

~

Artemis smiled. "Yield," he said, in a rather bored voice.

Montague was on the floor, looking very frightened. Artemis looked very much like a vampire, and the smile looked like he was about to cut him into pieces, despite the large blunt knob at the end of the rapier. 

"Very good, Master Fowl! Are there any other challengers?"

Montague scuttled away, determined to get as far away from Artemis as possible. He stepped on a distressed Angsty Harry Potter™ squeaky toy that belonged to Master Mo, the fencing instructor, who today was wearing a bright red T-shirt that read, "H/Hr IS SO DEAD! R/Hr FOREVER!" 

The Angsty Harry Potter™ squeaky toy squeaked in angst. "_WHO STOPPED TOM RIDDLE! ME! WHO KILLED VOLDEMORT WHEN HE WAS ONLY A BABY! ME! WHAT DID YOU EVER DO, HUH?"_

There was silence. Then Master Mo giggled.

Master Mo, who was a short man in his late twenties, acted like he was eighty. He treated every boy like his favorite grandson, and was apparently an avid Harry Potter fan. 

"Newest on the market!" Master Mo beamed at the boys, who were looking at him, not for the first time, like he was crazy. "If any of you want an Angsty Harry Potter™ squeaky toy, just tell me and I'll call—"

"Master Mo, I believe you were asking if there was anyone who wished to _challenge_ me?" Artemis asked icily. He swung the rapier gracefully, drawing an fanciful pattern in the air. 

"Yes! Right—anyone else to fight young Fowl here?"

More silence. Several of the boys shifted uneasily. Even the best fencers in the class had challenged Artemis, but none of them had ever beaten him. Artemis had a certain grace and air that seemed to _know_ exactly when and where to strike. 

A masked boy raised his hand, and Master Mo beamed. "Excellent, excellent! Now, make room!"

The other boys stood back. Far back. Last time one had made the mistake of standing too close, and had Artemis' rapier ram him in the ear.

Artemis looked down his challenger, mentally ranking his assets. He seemed rather short—under five feet—had a slim build, and was left handed. 

Both swung their blades to the guard position. Artemis smiled his vampire smile again. "May the best man win," he said, then dropped into the attack.

Artemis attacked viciously, his composed face a stark contrast to his rapidly spinning and slashing blade. His opponent was good—he had never fought someone who had blocked that well. Then again, the only people he had ever fought were the boys at St. Bartleby's. "You can't win fighting defensively, you know," he taunted.

Artemis faltered as the other boy whipped his blade into a reverse crescent and moved forward. 

Artemis was fighting the defensive now, and with every lunge he noted that his left-handed opponent had several advantages over him. Being left handed, he had an entirely different position than what Artemis had grown used to—adjusting was quite difficult. 

"Boys! Stay in the fencing quad!"

Suddenly as Artemis lifted his blade to block an attack, the other boy whisked his blade into a vertical butterfly so fast Artemis couldn't see it. The dull end of the rapier bit into his shoulder. Artemis scowled; if that had been a real sword, he would have been sporting a nasty wound.

Artemis could barely hear Master Mo and the other boys as they struggled to catch up with the fight, which was moving quickly into the gymnasium. He dodged another swift blow and darted up the stairs, his opponent racing behind. The only sound was of blades crashing against one another, a flurry of blows and blocks. 

His opponent slipped; there was water on the floor. His rapier clanged against the wet ground.

Another time, Artemis would have noted this, but at the moment the heat of the battle and the thrill of beating a formidable opponent was the only thing in his mind. 

The other boy lunged for the blade, but Artemis was quicker. The dull edge of the rapier nudged the throat of his opponent. 

"Yield," said Artemis, his sapphire blue eyes gleaming.

"An fair opponent would let me get my blade."

Artemis bent in closer to his opponent's face. "I don't fight fair," he said maliciously. 

Master Mo and the rest of the fencing class had rejoined them. "A magnificent battle!" Master Mo exclaimed. "Superb job, Artemis!"

Artemis looked up and smirked.

Suddenly there was a flash of speed, and a heavy kick thudded in Artemis' chest. The force of the blow sent him backward, and he fell.

Perhaps if earlier Artemis had used his high IQ to deduce that the water on the ground and the tiled floor meant that they were near the swimming pool. Perhaps if Artemis had noted this, he would not have moved so close to the edge of the pool, or had his back to the deep water. 

Nevertheless, despite various clues and his high intelligence, Artemis Fowl the Second fell noisily into the Saint Bartleby's School swimming pool. Water splashed and sloshed everywhere, soaking through the wire mask, making Artemis cough and snuffle. The water was also ruining his rather expensive Armani underwear.

By the time Artemis had climbed out of the pool, still coughing and spluttering water, dripping wet, the entire fencing class was laughing madly. His opponent had meanwhile gotten up and was standing nonchalantly. 

Master Mo was giggling so wildly tears were coming out of his eyes. "Shake hands…well done, both of you."

Artemis glared at his opponent and removed his mask. Ugh. His hair was ruined, his expensive silk underwear was beyond repair, and he had water in his ears. "You're not even a boy," he said in distaste.

There was silence. 

The challenger removed the mask, and shook out long black hair. 

It was Alanis. 

She smiled sweetly and held out her hand for Artemis to shake. "I don't fight fair either."

Artemis blinked at her.

**Author's Notes:** whoo! Took a while to get this chapter up—long! The squeaky toy especially. Artemis Fowl and Co. are all the property of Master Colfer, and Alanis and the squeaky toy are all mine. Mine, I say, mine! Whee! 

Cheers to Ray and Leeny (aka I Hate Sore Throat Medicine) for finding the Harry Potter reference in Chapter 1! : ) –for those of you who were a bit slow, the painting named Lily was a biggie—red eyes, green hair? Nyeh? Harry's mum! Hehe. 

Krystal Black: Nice try, it was not Wicklow—er, that's where Arty's school is. Maybe you're thinking of Barstow, where Harry fell asleep when Hagrid was driving him over on Sirius' motorcycle. (Obsessive-compulsiveness.) 

LOL! Didn't expect Artemis to be very good at fencing, nyeh? I had a pretty good idea from Artic Incident he would have been bulking up a bit, such as before the Eternity code. Or during. Heh. He had a feeling he wanted to be more athletic. : ) 

This chapter has been edited in some slight details.

See that little button that says "Submit Review?" Click it. You know you want to. Go on, review.


	4. Chapter Three: A Bit Short

**Author's Notes:** Yes, these are going at the beginning too! : ) Anyways, after several helpful point-outs that Alanis is a Mary Sue, I want to thank Nostie, otherwise known as "The Person," Roxie Fae, and Blue Yeti in helping me figure out this Mary Sue-ness. I took Blue's helpful Mary Sue litmus test and got a score of about 22, which means, wonk wonk, Alanis is on the borderline. Hopefully she'll be able to cross the line to OC-ness. Darkwanderer: you think _Artemis_ is nonhuman? Wonk. He's Artemis. Oh, by the way, the chapter title is by no way related to the length.

**Summary:** what's going on with Holly, trouble underground, some foreboding phone calls, Artemis has some family problems, and Alanis gets territorial.

_"Nobody on the road  
Nobody on the beach  
I feel it in the air  
The summer's out of reach  
Empty lake, empty streets  
The sun goes down alone  
I'm drivin' by your house  
Though I know you're not at home"_

—The Boys of Summer, the Ataris

_______________________

Chapter Three: A Bit Short 

**_______________________**

**The Lower Elements, Haven City, North Bank**

Captain Holly Short had had her share of awful partners in the LEP. First, there was Chix Verbil, the sprite who believed, no matter how many times he had been rejected, that he was simply irresistible. He had been injured and was now working in Internal Affairs. Then, there was Jake Rhizome, who quit shortly thereafter his one-week stakeout with Holly. Ligules Moor slobbered when he talked—which, unfortunately, was a lot. 

Holly grimaced and tightened her grip on the pod's controls. She _really_ would prefer Moor and his spitting right now. 

Across from her, Corporal Lili Frond adjusted the side view mirror and reapplied her lipstick. She smacked pink bubblegum bright lips together. Loudly.

"Would you _stop_?" Holly snapped.

"What?" Frond replied testily. 

"You are meddling with LEP equipment," growled Holly, and reached over and placed the mirror so she could actually see to the side.

"Just because _you_ don't know the difference between the perfect shade and a swear toad doesn't mean you have to take it out on me," said Frond, tossing her blond curls haughtily. 

_I am going to kill Root, _thought Holly furiously. _Going to get Frond's bright pink lipstick and jam it up his—_

"Short, Frond," Root's voice crackled over the speakers. Holly kicked the thing, and Root's voice came over clearly. "There's been a call on Vernal Road, a few klicks away."

Holly swerved the pod, heading towards Vernal. Frond yelped as she lurched into the side. 

Holly grinned. "We're on it, Commander."

A few minutes later, the two of them clambered out of the pod, Neutrinos out. It was a dilapidated neighborhood, where the crime rates were high and fairies lived in boarded up homes, if they lived there at all. 

"LEP," called Frond, swinging the gun alertly, "Come out with your hands up!"

Holly winced. "Corporal, this is a low-key situation. Most likely a petty robbery, or—"

There was a scream from one of the houses.

"Or not," said Holly, and she racked up the Neutrino setting a notch.

The two officers scrambled to the house where the scream had come from, and Holly kicked open the door. _Wham._

A young elf was sobbing hysterically. "Please, help—my father—"

"Where is he?" asked Holly. The boy pointed.

The elderly elf was on a makeshift bed. It was not a pretty sight. His eyes were rolling into the back of his head, drool was coming out of his mouth, and he was thrashing violently. 

Frond took one look and ran out of the house, and Holly could hear her being violently sick. Her own stomach churned, and she activated the mike in her helmet. "Emergency warlock medics to 4 Vernal Road, apartment B."

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland**

"It's good to see you again, Butler."

The large Eurasian man nodded at Artemis and hefted the box of electronic jumble into the Bentley Arnage. Artemis was carrying his laptop, a grim expression on his face. "How was school?" Butler offered. 

"Unchanged."

"The psychologist sent a letter to your mother. She was worried." Butler's tone was rather amused.

"Sooner or later she will realize my lack of friends or social behaviors will not be cured by those of lesser intelligence. Dr. Po apparently believes I am capable of such behaviors. How is Father?"

Butler's expression did not change, but deep inside he grew more sorry for his young charge. He had never had any companions his age, and sometimes Butler wondered why Artemis never made any attempt to be pleasant, unless, of course, it was part of one of his plans. 

"Butler?" 

"He has discovered your activities in Arklow."

Artemis' face showed no expression. "I doubt he would have disapproved. The head of the company deserved to go bankrupt. Underpaid his workers, all of them. Besides, it was only a few million."

Butler smiled. Only Artemis. 

"And your man in Limerick?"

"I have the report waiting at Fowl Manor." 

Artemis handed Butler the laptop, who stowed it in the trunk and shut it. He opened the door for Artemis, who stepped in. 

There was a stony silence.

Butler settled himself in the driver's seat and decided it was going to be a long ride.

  
**The Lower Elements, Haven City, Police Plaza**

"Tough day, Short?" asked Captain Kelp as he placed his helmet and gear back on the equipment rack.

Holly's helmet joined his. "I had such a great time watching Lili Frond put on her makeup all day, and then I get a call from a kid who doesn't know how to call the medics. Sure. Great time," she said.

Trouble frowned. "What was it?"

"Another one of those freaky fevers. I really don't get it—the People have never faced so many cases at a time."

"My ma has it," said Trouble, his frown deepening. "The medics keep telling me she just gets worse and worse. Nothing seems to help."

Holly looked at Trouble in concern. "D'arvit," she said.

Trouble nodded. "Exactly."

Most of the other members of the LEP had already left, except for a secretary who was packing up her possessions. 

"So," said Trouble, trying to break the tension, "Have anything planned later?"

They walked past the Operations Booth, where Holly could hear Root cursing and yelling about something within. "Nope," said Holly, "Just going to relax. I need it. With Bole and Markus sick, Root's been having me work double-shift." She yawned. 

Root's red face poked out of the door in Ops. "Kelp, Short, get in here now. Is anyone else still here?"

Trouble looked around. The secretary caught his eye, squeaked, and fled out the door. "No," he said. 

"D'arvit," scowled Root, "Okay, you two will have to do."

"What's this about, Commander?" asked Holly. She really had wanted to go home tonight. 

"There's a Mud Man, Alexander Trasovan, who found two goblin bodies up in Russia," said Root. 

Foaly swiveled around in his specially designed centaur chair. "He's convinced that another species lives below ground, and he's been trying to get government grants to go explore underground."

Trouble paled. "That can't be good."

Root shook his head. "It isn't. This guy would have succeeded, but Foaly tapped into his database and erased all the data he collected from the bodies so far."

"So what's the problem?" asked Holly. "Just send Recon to get the bodies and do a mind wipe."

"The problem is, Short," growled Root, "Is that Trasovan and the two bodies have disappeared. It looks like someone got to them before we did."

**Somewhere in Ireland**

"Are you certain this will lead us to them?" 

"Beyond a doubt. We just need to get the right pieces of the puzzle together." There was a chuckle. "Obviously, your other ventures have not been successful."

The other voice grew tight. "It has happened exactly as you have predicted." 

He could almost hear the other man grin. He shivered slightly.

"I have complete confidence that this will work. I have excellent people working for me to get it."

A sigh. "Very well. You fulfill your part of the bargain, and I shall mine. Just remember, Jon, don't fail me. I intend this to be successful."

"Of course it will be successful. Fowl is a genius. He will find all the right pieces, and all we will have to do is collect them. Don't fret, Alex."

"I'm not. I just think you're insane."

"So are you. Just do keep doing what you do best, and I'll make sure the pieces fit."

**Ireland, en route from St. Bartleby's to Fowl Manor**

Butler could just feel the tension in the car. The Bentley Arnage Red Label hummed quietly down the road, the air conditioner on, and total quiet from the back seat. 

Artemis Fowl the Second was sitting right next to Artemis Fowl the First, both of them quite clearly unsure of what to say to each other. The last time they had spoken had not gone so well—it was at winter holidays when Fowl Senior had discovered his son's record of criminal activities. What had followed next had not been pretty. Fowl Senior had attempted to lecture his son about nobility and honesty, and had expected his son to discontinue his affairs and go to school.

Naturally, Artemis had not.

They were well out of Country Wicklow when his father spoke.

"The Arklow venture was well planned," he said.

Artemis raised his eyebrow. Where was this going? "Thank you, Father," he said.

His father counted off his fingers. "Gerald Bolin is ruined, his company's money gone, all of his employees are relatively better off, and no one has clue how it has happened."

Artemis resisted the urge to smirk.

"It was brilliant, Arty, but I believe you should put your talents to more helpful uses."  

Artemis looked at his father inquiringly. "Just what are you suggesting, Father?"

Artemis Fowl Senior smiled at him and settled back into the seat. "I've volunteered you at the County Police station for this summer. Call it an educational experience."

Artemis was taken aback. "_Volunteer?_"

Another smile from his father. "Oh yes. I believe, for once, you should try to be on the other side of the law. I don't want you causing any trouble this summer, Arty, but if you want to pursue your criminal behaviors, I won't stop you."

"I sense there is a condition here."

"Smart boy. Prove to me for one summer you can behave. Butler and I will be watching you. As will Juliet, when she returns from America in a week."

Artemis considered. 

"Than you may do whatever you wish."

Artemis smiled. "Do I have to return to St. Bartleby's?"

His father blinked. "Well, you'll have to talk to your mother about that."

**Fowl Manor**

Angeline Fowl smiled as the car drove into the vast driveway. "Timmy! Arty!" she called.

"Hello, Mother," said Artemis, getting out of the car.

Her husband swept her into an embrace and she giggled. "The guest just moved in this morning."

"Guest? What guest?" Artemis demanded.

His mother laughed. "Timmy, didn't you tell him?"

"A business friend of mine is in town, and he need a place for his son to stay," he said. "I was only glad to offer my services, and of course, Arty could always use a friend his age to chat with—"

Artemis groaned as Butler carried his belongings into the manor.

"Timmy!" Angeline scolded. "You're awful. It's a girl."

"Even better," he said, kissing her. 

Angeline giggled again, and Artemis rolled his eyes.

Inside the house, Artemis found Butler packing his things away. "The report?" he asked testily. 

Butler averted his eyes. "Sorry, sir. I placed it in the guest bedroom, where I was sure your father would not find it. I did not know about the guest."

Artemis scowled and walked over to the guest bedroom door, where he could hear loud rock music from within. He knocked.

No answer.

Artemis rapped the door again, feeling rather foolish. 

"Nobody on the road—nobody at the beach—I feel it in the air—summer's out of reach—"

Artemis opened the door.

The room was a mess. The closet, which Artemis had previously used for storing his old inventions, was filled with clothes and the floor cluttered with different types of shoes. The doorway was filled with balled-up pieces of trash, and a trashcan stood empty next to the door. The music was blaring loudly from a radio.

The girl lying on the bed was flipping through a magazine of some sort. Apparently she had not noticed Artemis' presence. She ripped a page from the magazine, crumpled it up, and without looking, flung it at the doorway where Artemis was standing.

Artemis ducked and the paper ball scuttled out into the hallway. 

Another projectile, one that Artemis was not expecting, hit him on the cheek. 

He glared at the girl, who was still ignoring him or was evidently deaf. "Excuse me," he said haughtily. She said nothing, only ripped out another page. Artemis quickly moved out of the doorway and into the room before she threw it. He yanked open several drawers in the desk, looking for the report from the Limerick lenses expert. Finally finding it, Artemis took it and started to exit.

More out of curiosity than anything else, Artemis picked up one of the crumpled pages and unfolded it. It was an identical picture to the one he had taken from Josh, the one he had seen autographed a week ago—

Artemis looked around the room again and noticed a pair of tall plum colored boots. 

"You're Alanis Night," he said.

She looked up. Bright violet eyes met pale blue ones. Her hair tumbled haphazardly around her shoulders, and Artemis noticed a spatter of light freckles across her nose and cheeks. For some reason, she looked a lot younger than the model in the photo—still rather pretty, he supposed, but not the stunning beauty who walked into St. Bartleby's a week ago.

She glared at him. "What do you want?"

Artemis waved the thick manilla folder at her. "Just need to retrieve this," he said.

Alanis watched him intently. Artemis didn't move. "Well?"

"You want me to leave, don't you," he said.

"That was the point."

Artemis leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over the folder. It seemed a bit thicker than he expected. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Your boots are interesting," he commented.

Alanis glared at him again. "Don't touch my shoes."

Artemis picked up the boot, examining its heel. "Indeed, one might wonder _why_ there is a difference between how tall the shoe is on the outside and how tall it is on the inside."

Alanis slammed the magazine shut. She narrowed her eyes. "Do. Not. Touch. The. Shoes."

"Clever," he said, "It appears only to be about five centimeters high, but on the inside, there is another hidden height built in. Your designer just forgot this small part," Artemis pointed out. "A bit short, are you?"

Alanis had scrambled to her feet and seized the boot from Artemis.

He almost smiled. Artemis had grown a bit in the past year, and was rather tall. Alanis only came up to his shoulder. She pushed him roughly. "Never touch my shoes again."

Vaguely Artemis remembered someone else pushing him angrily. Someone shorter than Alanis.

Her eyes glanced toward the folder he was holding. "Hey—that's _mine—"_

Artemis scowled at her. "This is a report I have been waiting to see for several months, and it certainly is not yours."

Alanis tried to grab that too, but Artemis held it high. 

She jumped several times, and gave Artemis a fierce look. 

"How are you two getting along?" Angeline Fowl smiled.

Artemis quickly hid the report behind his back.

"Just fine, Mrs. Fowl, thank you," said Alanis sweetly.

Artemis smiled at his mother.

Angeline smiled and walked off.

Alanis dropped the honeyed tone. "You are going to give me that."

This irked Artemis. No doubt she wasn't very bright. "It's not yours."

"Yes, it is!" Alanis growled.

"No," said Artemis, his temper rising.

Butler passed by. He blinked at Artemis and the guest arguing like toddlers over something. Butler walked on and decided he really did not want to know.

Artemis gave the open doorway a furtive glance. "I am leaving now," he said, "Before anyone sees me acting like an immature child."

Alanis was looking at him oddly.

"Oy," she said in suddenly recognition, "You're that boy I threw into the swimming pool last week." She smirked.

Artemis stiffened. "The name is Artemis Fowl," he said, and walked out of the door.

He was back in his old bedroom when he opened the folder and found another folder stacked neatly behind it, labeled in red ink and curly handwriting, _Important._

**Author's Notes:** Again, tehee. Anyways, Arklow is a city in Ireland outside of Dublin. I really still am not sure how they use the metric system to describe height, but anyways, in feets and inches, Artemis is about 5'5". Alanis is about 4'6" without shoes, and with her shoes she's close to five feet. Please review! 

Chapter Four: The Black Cat- what's the Heart of Time, what's Mulch doing, and some more weird phone calls. Artemis wants more answers, and the summer job proves oddly useful. More reviews shall prompt me to update sooner. 


	5. Chapter Four, Part One: Can We Be Saved

_A ghost is all that's left   
Of everything we swore we never would forget   
We tried to bleed the sickness   
But we drained our hearts instead   
We are the dead   
A ghost of everything we thought but never said   
We tried to bleed the sickness   
But we drained our hearts instead _

_We are the ones who lost our faith   
We dug ourselves an early grave   
We are the dead, can we be saved?_

—All That's Left, Thrice

**Chapter Four: Can We Be Saved**

____________________________

**The Lower Elements, Frond's Memorial Grounds, Haven City**

The headstone was new; the limestone gleamed, shining.

 _Bole Davison Brooklime. 1906-2003. A unfaltering warrior who fought to the end.  His courage will not be forgotten._

There were too many other monuments in the cemetery. Too many new ones; polished stone and fresh candles and gifts from mourners. The cemetery was almost empty; other grievers had gone home, leaving a small group behind at this one unadorned headstone.

The group stood in silence. It was a medley of fairies; several elves, gnomes, a sprite, and a centaur with unattractive bald spots on his hindquarters. 

The oldest elf shook his head sadly; the gray buzz cut shaking slightly. He draped a well-worn LEP uniform on the gravestone. "Bole fought to the end."

Commander Root's tone was gruff, but it did not hide the anguish that he felt.

"He died fighting," added Foaly. "It's what he would have wanted."

"Fighting?" Trouble gave a short laugh, one that had no mirth in it. Holly shivered; hearing her fellow captain like this was unnerving.

"Fighting?" Trouble repeated. "What? This wasn't a glorious battle he would have been proud of—he was delirious, foaming at the mouth in a hospital bed!"

"Trouble," said his little brother Grub. There were tears in his eyes. "Stop."

But Trouble was not finished. "D'arvit! What is going on here? His magic should have stopped it—all the others should have _lived_, don't you understand, first it's Bole, and my ma has it too—"

Grub looked at his brother, the most spirited and courageous captain in the LEP, completely break down into hysterical sobs.

Holly felt the tears slide down her cheek. Her last mission—partnered with Trouble—had been a failure. There had been no trace of Trasovan or the bodies, and Trouble had been moody the whole time. They had returned to Haven dejected, to find that Bole had died the night before in the hospital.

Holly's vision blurred; she wiped the tears from her face. There had just been too many deaths from the bizarre sicknesses. 

"Holly. We should go," said a voice beside her.

Holly shook herself and looked up, to find that they had already left. Only Foaly remained, watching, his chestnut tail swinging.

"I don't get it either, Foaly," said Holly. "Why haven't they found a cure yet?"

Foaly didn't meet her eyes. "Most likely because there isn't one."

"Nothing—_nothing_ like this has ever happened to the People! We've never gotten sick, or had a plague—D'arvit, what _is_ this thing? How are we supposed to fight it?" asked Holly. Her hazel eyes shone bright. Give her an enemy and a gun, and Captain Holly Short knew exactly what to do. Against an invisible sickness that attacked without warning, in all races and ages—Holly was lost. The riot yesterday had given her buzz baton more use than she cared to remember, and the masses of distraught relatives of the sick were overwhelming, demanding that the Council, the LEP, do _something._

"I really don't know, Holly. I don't know."

**Author's Notes: Is that all? No…I'm still writing this chapter. Just putting this up here to keep you all happy for now. I will update soon—most likely today with the rest of this chapter. Review! (Otherwise some toast is getting ready to be flung.) And then, go read my MWPP fluff. (I still have no reviews for Happy Family. Boo.)**

**Part Two: The Black Cat. **


	6. Chapter Four, Part Two: The Heart of the...

**Author's Notes: **Sorry it took me a bit to update—been kinda busy. Well, no. Bad excuse. I had a bad case of writer's block and for the longest time had a problem with this chapter, mainly because the fun expositional stuff is over and now I actually have to start the plot…o_O So, true to reviews, I've taken to explain "wtf the Heart of Time" is. XD After all, it must be pretty important—that's the name of the story! Replies to reviews at the end!

_______________________________

_I am a little bit insecure_

 A little unconfident  
'Cause you don't understand

 I do what I can,

 But sometimes I don't make sense  
I say what you never wanna say, 

But I've never had a doubt  
It's like no matter what I do, 

I can't convince you,

 For once just to hear me out  
So I let go, watching you, 

Turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got

- Faint, Linkin Park

**Chapter Four, Part Two: The Heart of the Matter**

____________________________________________

**Fowl Manor**

For the first time in his life, Artemis Fowl was bored. 

His laptop was gone. 

His laboratory? Locked. With a heavy iron bar. Which Butler was not allowed to move for him. 

Artemis frowned. If it had been a high-tech security door, opened only by password or combination, he would have gotten in. But of course, his father had known Artemis would have tried this. Therefore the only way the door could be opened was by brute force. Something Artemis was not very good at. He was relatively fast, to be sure—but fencing was one thing, and lifting a bar that weighed more than he did was another.

The door to his study, filled with state-of-the-art computer equipment, was also barred.

Artemis tossed the Limerick report aside. Useless. It didn't make sense, even to him. According to the expert, Artemis himself had ordered the contacts made, complete with Artemis' specific designs. But how could he make them for himself, Butler, and Juliet, wear them, and not even remember it? And what was their purpose?

_"Something else you forgot to mention."_

A distant memory trudged into his mind. Artemis closed his eyes and laid back on his bed, focusing. Who had said it?

_A sarcastic, curious voice—a horse—_A horse? Something that looked very much like a horse. The memory dimmed, and Artemis couldn't recall anything else.

The other folder was far more interesting. It was filled with random newspaper clippings and printouts. None of them seemed connected to each other, yet Artemis knew he would find the relationship. He just needed time. A bit more questioning of Alanis would help, although she had avoided him and everyone else in Fowl Manor, preferring to stay in her room. 

The folder was labeled _Important._ It was packed with information and pictures about different pieces of jewelry, it seemed—odd, half finished pieces that seemed to have no connection at all to each other. It was not until Artemis had stumbled upon a printout when he found the link. 

It was an eBay printout of the ring that he had almost won a week ago. 

Artemis carefully laid out each of the photos in the folder with their according information on his bed. All of the pieces were components of a necklace, or an amulet. A few of the pictures pulled on his memory strings. Artemis raised an eyebrow. This was infuriating. How long was he going to be tormented by these bizarre half-memories which did not make sense at all?

_"Something else you forgot to mention."_ He—yes, it was a he—wasn't a horse—what horse could speak? A centaur, perhaps?

This was ridiculous. Artemis scowled. 

A different picture caught his eye. This too had one of those maddening symbols on it. It looked like just a bit of metal to the untrained eye, but Artemis was not a mastermind for nothing. 

He compared the photograph with the one of the ring from eBay. They matched. Apparently they had been taken apart a long time ago; the edges had been long worn. But still, if Artemis had the two pieces today, they would fit together perfectly.

_"Really, Commander. Such suspicion is wounding."_

Ah. Some of it was coming back. Whatever it was. Artemis knitted his eyebrows together. His "volunteer" work at the County Police station was not to begin for a few days, and Father most certainly was suspicious of Artemis in the meanwhile. He would not let Artemis slip out without a valid excuse. Something unexpected and unrelated to crime. It was time for another plan. 

**The Lower Elements, Police Plaza, Haven City**

Root was bellowing. Again. Holly slumped into her chair and massaged her temples. It had been a long day. Very long.

"I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO ALREADY WITH THE WHOLE CITY UNDER RANDOM RIOTS! AND NOW THIS! WHY DON'T THEY GET THEIR OWN WARLOCKS ON IT!"

The sound of something smashing came from Root's office, and a small gnome hurried out, looking extremely relieved.

The LEP officers were watching with relative amusement and curiosity. The gnome drew himself up to his height—which really wasn't that impressive—and straightened his Council clerk uniform. He plunked down a large case of files that he had been holding onto a nearby desk loudly.

"These are for the technical genius. The one who claimed he could figure out anything." The gnome sniffed, trying to look important, and failed. 

Root came out of his office, wielding a ceramic pot like a Neutrino. Holly shared wary glances at her fellow officers, and they ducked simultaneously. 

"GET OUT!"

The gnome gave a frightened squeak and tumbled out of the door, the ceramic pot barely missing his large head. It shattered deafeningly on the doorframe.

"FOALY!" Root roared.

Foaly's head popped out of Ops Booth cautiously. He didn't dare make a jab at Root at the moment. The last time Root had gone in a bellowing rage, Foaly had suggested he retire. Root had burst a blood vessel in his neck and had to be rushed to the emergency room. 

"Yes, Commander?"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Holly smirked at Foaly, glad not to be on the receiving end of Root's lecture.

"Er—how?" Foaly asked meekly. Root's eyes bugged.

"SHORT, WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE! VERBIL, DON'T YOU HAVE SOME PAPERWORK TO DO? AND YOU! KELP! GET BACK ON CROWD CONTROL! WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU STANDING AROUND FOR! GET TO WORK!"

The LEP officers looked about, unfazed, and Police Plaza was buzzing with the sound of work in a few seconds.

"Kelp, get those files in Ops Booth. Short, get in here."

Trouble, who was about to exit, was rather confused. "Didn't you just—"

Root's red face turned purple. "Get in the Ops Booth, d'arvit!"

Holly raised an eyebrow at Foaly, who in turn gave her a confused look. Holly shrugged and helped Kelp move the heavy case into the Operations Booth.

"What's this about, Commander?"

Root was muttering, still on the last vestiges of his rage. "Council is in a mess—half the People are either sick, dying, dead, or rioting. The warlocks don't have a cure for this weird disease either, so now they're sticking the LEP with some stupid hunch on how to save us!" 

Trouble paled. Foaly quirked his eyebrows up again. "But again—how is this my fault?"

"Shut up, centaur. Clerk Russell said you sent a letter to the Council a while back. One of your stupid hunches. And now, on top of the Trasovan case, the riots, we have to go on a bloody treasure hunt!"

"Treasure hunt?" Trouble's eyes lit up. Holly brightened. Foaly was examining the files with great interest.

"Huh. So it does exist," he murmured, flipping through various pages.

"Damn right it does! Stupid politics," said Root, "The only reason we have to do this is because the Council has too much to deal with, not to mention elections, and now they have a plague on their hands."

Holly sat down on the desk, eyeing Foaly. "So are we dropping Trasovan and his goblins?"

Root glared at her. "Obviously. He hasn't turned up anywhere, and we have no leads. We can't do anything about him right now, and it doesn't seem like he's doing anything. We'll deal with him if he turns up, but for now, we have bigger fish to fry."

Foaly gave Root a calculating look. "Are sure that's the best thing to do?"

Root lit a fungus cigar. "It's the only thing we can do."

"Okay, what exactly are we talking about here?" asked Holly. "What kind of treasure hunt are you on about?"

"Something that can save the People," said Foaly, handing a crinkled piece of parchment to Trouble.

Trouble wafted the fungus smoke away from him, trying to concentrate on the sheet. The smoke drifted to Holly, who grimaced blew the toxic cloud back to Root.

"I don't get it," said Trouble, at a complete loss. "How is this supposed to cure the disease?"

Holly took the parchment.  A bit of it crumpled off—it was clearly very old. More than several centuries— the date showed it was recorded when the People still lived aboveground.

_"Broken apart, its work is not yet done._

_The Heart of Time has only begun._

_Born of human and fairy life,_

_She may bring peace or trouble and strife._

_Joined with one fowl by name and foul by nature,_

_The disease she may cure._

_Beware of discord and enmity_

_Between two peoples who cannot see._

_Blind to each other, dead alone,_

_They must join together and become one._

_Broken paths she may mend,_

_Only then shall the Heart of Time end._

"What the hell is this—this—Heart of Time?" 

Foaly took the parchment from Holly, wincing as the paper sliced into his finger. "These manuscripts should be updated," he grumbled. 

Trouble rolled his eyes; Holly gave a derisive snort, and Root glared at Foaly. "Go on, Foaly. Explain what the hell this thing is."

"Okay, okay," he said, "My genius is so unappreciated." Foaly laid out several more pieces of parchment on the table. "Apparently during what the Mud Men called the Black Death, in which many humans died, the disease spread to the People. That's what I'm guessing. Frond IV has problems bigger than a bull troll's—"

"Foaly," warned Root, "Get on with it."

"Right," Foaly nodded, "Anyway, Frond IV has big problems. Some of the elves try to find a cure, but nothing turns up. Then this other Mud Man, Merlin, who had a bit of magic on his own—"

"How is that possible?" Holly asked.

Foaly shrugged. "Lots of things were possible back then. The People lived aboveground, Mud People could work some magic—"

Trouble looked at the aged parchment with new deference. "That's old."

"According to these records, Merlin and a group of elves pooled a lot of power into this one artifact and they presented it to Frond IV. He agreed to use it once, and it cured the People."

Root chewed on the end of his fungus cigar. "That's what the Council wants it for."

"I don't know," said Foaly, the probing look in his eyes again. "It could. That's not all the Heart of Time is capable of. These records—they showed it could wreak enough power to—to—"

"Blow lots of things up?" offered Holly.

"Catastrophic destruction?" Trouble grinned. He liked action movies. Some of those human ones were pretty entertaining. "End of the world?"

Root spat out the end of his fungus cigar. It landed noisily on Foaly's desk. Foaly looked at the greenish-gray chewed mess on his desk with distaste. "Something of that proportion," said Foaly, "It doesn't say exactly what you can do with it, but 'unlimited power' goes pretty well along the lines."

"Doesn't matter," said Root. "Council going to be using it anyways."

Holly raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you really feel safe having this thing in the hands of the Council?"

Root almost choked on the end of his cigar. "Well—okay—where is this thing?"

"Getting it won't be a problem," said Foaly, laying out several detailed paintings on the parchment. It was a beautiful design, with interlocking rings with Gnommish inscriptions, and in the center was a carved violet jewel in the shape of an infinity symbol. Foaly laid out another sheet of parchment, where the different interlocking rings were separated from the infinity jewel. "They were split into five pieces, which I'll check the location of—most likely museums and private owners above ground."

A light turned on in Holly's head. "Let me see that prophecy again—" She checked it again, and swore. Holly jabbed a finger at a line. "You missed this one detail—assuming this fortune teller was right, the one supposed to operate the Heart of Time is someone _fowl by name and foul by nature_!"

"D'arvit," said Root. "How accurate are these records? Who told the prophecy?"

True prophecies among the People were rare; true prophets were rarer. "Ohm the Phlegm pot cleaner, turned prophet to the king after seeing several visions. All of his prophecies came true—but the biggest prophecy—" Foaly fished out an different sheet of parchment; this one came from his desk. 

He handed it to Root and smirked. "It predicted Artemis Fowl would be able to escape the time field."

"D'arvit! Why haven't I ever seen this?" bellowed Root.

"You never asked," said Foaly delicately. 

Trouble looked charily at Root, who looked on the verge of exploding again. "So, Foaly—how did it work before? I mean—so we can repeat it and get the same results, right?"

Foaly glanced at another sheet. "Frond channeled the power, it seems. It's recorded that other people—humans and elves—have used it after him as well, before it was broken apart. There's a whole twisted history of things that happened when it wasn't Frond using it—Atlantis was sunk at this time apparently with the Heart of Time, and some really—"

"So it would have to be Fowl and someone with Frond's blood then!" said Trouble excitedly. "We use this to cure the People! After all—"

Holly groaned. "Please. Don't tell me that the fate of the People is in the hands of Artemis Fowl and Lili Frond."

**Author's Notes:** Okay, this chapter didn't turn out the way I expected, so chapter five is going to be _The Black Cat. _The explaining took a bit longer…but it's done! Yay! Thanks so much for the awesome reviews! You guys are so loved! I glow. XD

_Trinity:_ Thanks for the support and the spiffy reviews—you're awesome!

_Samantha and karlin: _Yes, there are a lot of plot threads…confusing, nyeh? I'm trying to get it tied together…reading this chapter, have any of you figured it out yet? Hehe! 

_Taedere:_ Wow! Thanks for the glowing review! You're awesome! Hehe, be a person…XD Toaster!

_Nostie:_ Sorry, didn't get much of Alanis in this chapter…not that much development there! O_o Next chapter, promise! I did explain 'wtf the is The Heart of Time.' Kind of. 

Thanks to other reviewers too! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and taking the time to review! Butterbeers for everyone! Cheers to Sam, lutefa, EvilSpirit, Krystal Black, Leeny, Jaina, Lemon Drop, darkwanderer, Roxie Faye, Astil, Pink-Flower, and kingleby! 

Chapter Five: mysterious phone calls, the Black Cat, Alanis, Mulch….O_o

Join my Yahoo Group to get emails when I update…it would be cool! XD Also check out my other fics and my website. (Go see my profile…)


	7. Chapter Five: A Psychological Assessment

**Author's Note: **Forgot to mention this in the earlier chapters, but I have more references to my favorite stories beside Harry Potter…in the prologue, there is a small reference to Lord of the Rings…in chapter three (my numbers), there is a subtle reference to Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce (yay!). If you find them, you are very smart and you can feel very spiffy about yourself. XD Sorry for taking a long time for this one—school started, and this chapter had to cover a bit…and sorry again! The Black Cat will be the next chapter, I promise!!! I was planning this one, but it took a lot longer than I expected to get this plotty stuff out. Enjoy! And there's a reference to The Artic Incident in here too…

__________________________

_"Far away, long ago  
Glowing dim as an ember  
Things my heart used to know  
Once upon a December_

_Someone holds me safe and warm  
Horses prance through a silver storm  
Figures dancing gracefully  
Across my memory_

_Far away, long ago  
Glowing dim as an ember  
Things my heart used to know  
Things it yearns to remember"_

–Deana Carter, Once Upon A December

**Chapter Five: A Psychological Assessment**

_________________________

**Somewhere in Ireland**

"I trust you have completed phase one."

"Of course."

"You know what to do next, right?"

"The museum…"

"I hope your incompetence will not fail me this time."

"Is this the only way?"

"Yes."

**Fowl Manor**

The silverware clinking was the only sound in the spacious dining hall. Fowl Senior raised his glass and smiled at Artemis, who nodded in return. His mother gave his father a worried look. Artemis gave his attention back to the food, chewing slowly.

"Arty," his mother smiled, attempting to begin a conversation, "Are you exited about helping out the police on Monday?"

Artemis gave her a steely glare. "I am only complying with my father's wishes for the benefit of having my freedom once the summer is over.  After all, house arrest does not seem to be enough for him."

Angeline Fowl swallowed the bite she had been hastily. "Oh."

His father gave Artemis a searching look. "Now, Arty, it's not house arrest. I simply do not want you dabbling in matters you should not. After all, the Fowls are going clean now. Money is not as important as you think. We have each other."

Alanis set her fork down and carefully folded her napkin. "May I be excused?"

"Of course, dear," said Angeline, smiling.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Mrs. Fowl." She stood up.

Artemis took another small bite out of his caviar, gave it one last pensive glance, and stood up as well. "I believe I am finished as well, Mother." He nodded coldly to his father and stood up.

Angeline smiled at him, one last attempt. "Why don't you two get to know each other? You've hardly have spoken."

"That's a splendid idea, Angeline," said Fowl Senior, smiling at the two.

Artemis tensed, and Alanis had stopped short of the door. "It's okay, Mrs. Fowl, I'm a bit tired, really—"

Angeline stood up. "Nonsense! It'll be fun! Go on, play some games with Arty. It's been so long since I've heard laughter in the house."

"Chess. Arty loves chess." 

"Oh, I think I still have his old set in the den! Oh, this is perfect!"

With his parents urging him on, Artemis somehow found himself in the den with Alanis, who was looking at him oddly. He could still hear his parents whispering to each other as they left them alone, his mother excited.

"Timmy, this is exactly what Dr. Po advised! I've been worrying so much about him, he doesn't have any friends…"

"Nonsense, Angeline. Look at him. He's perfectly content to take objects apart and figure out things. That's my Arty, the little genius. He just needs to be on the right side of the law, that's all. A girlfriend, now that's what he needs…"

Their voices died away, and there was silence once again. Artemis and Alanis looked at each other. Intense blue eyes met bright violet ones. 

Artemis allowed himself a small smile. Phase one was complete.

**Somewhere in Ireland**

"Jon."

"Alex."

"Are you sure this person will do the job right?"

"Of course. A bit dim, but an excellent choice."

"Don't you…worry…about our plan?"

"Of course not, Alex. Now. About your end of the bargain?"

"I finished the first task. It works—but—_why?_"

"Don't question my assignments, Alex. You'll get your fairies. Don't worry about that."

**The Lower Elements, Police Plaza, Operations Booth**

The conversations were incredibly dull, Foaly thought. He printed out several sheets of data on the different locations of the Heart. There was only one piece he couldn't trace, though. Foaly clucked to himself. Imagine. He'd get it soon enough, though. 

Well. _This_ was an interesting conversation. Too bad it ended so soon. _"—fairies. Don't worry about that."_  There was a bit of breathing, and then the line went dead. The voice was male; a relatively old Mud Man. Foaly chuckled to himself. Forty and they already began having problems. This Mud Man, though…he had an odd tone in his voice that made the hairs on the back of Foaly's tail stand up. It was the kind of voice that _lusted_ for something. Something like—murder—or revenge—or both.

Foaly shuddered. He had been watching too many action movies again. 

SAVE CONVERSATION? Y/N 

Foaly pressed the letter N.

MONITOR ALL FURTHER CALLS FROM THIS NUMBER? Y/N 

Foaly's finger paused over N. Something from his instincts called to him then. Foaly always trusted his instincts. He moved the finger, and pressed the letter Y. 

**Fowl Manor**

Artemis stared. Alanis stared back. The chess pieces stood on the opposite sides of the board, untouched.

Artemis folded his arms and scowled. "White moves first. Or do you not know how to play?"

Alanis blinked at him. "Oh—er—" She moved her pawn in front of her queen a space.

Artemis arched an eyebrow. "Do you know how to play chess?"

Alanis snorted. "Sure."

Artemis smirked. "Then I hope you know, only fools make their first move by moving their pawn one space."

Alanis crossed her arms and moved the pawn another space. "Fine, Mr. Smarty Pants. Go on. Isn't it your turn?"

Artemis smiled at her and moved the pawn in front of his knight. 

Alanis did the same.

Another pawn from Artemis. Alanis copied his move.

Artemis moved his knight across the board, and watched Alanis' eyebrows go up in surprise. "Your turn."

Alanis hesitated, and the moved yet another pawn.

Artemis smirked, and moved the knight once more. "Checkmate."

"What—how—what?"

Artemis cleaned imaginary dirt from underneath his fingernails. "It means that you have lost."

"So I don't know how to play your little game. Big deal. At least when I get my nails done, it actually looks good. On you it just looks stupid."

Artemis stiffened slightly. "It is highly popular for men of the upper class to get manicures or pedicures. It's a sign of culture and sophistication. Bright colors, such as that purple you're wearing, are extremely tacky and considered the mark of someone trying too hard." Actually, the shade on her nails looked relatively nice, and not tacky at all. Not that Artemis would say it, of course.

"You—you—" Her petulant lips curled at the corners, forming a scowl. Alanis folded her arms. "This isn't _purple._ It's Violet Passion."

"Passionately tacky."

Her eyes narrowed, and Alanis sank back into her chair, looking at the ceiling. "Whatever. Let's play another game then."

"Oh? You haven't had enough yet? I thought you didn't know how to play."

"Teach me."

**Fowl Manor, one hour later**

"Okay, so this pointy one can move like this, and the funny headed one can only move like this?"

Artemis sighed and looked at his watch. He hadn't even begun phase two yet and his nerves were already wearing thin. "Yes. And that 'pointy one' is a knight, and the 'funny headed one' is the king.  I have explained countless number of times what the names of the pieces are. We have been at this for an hour. Do you want to actually play a game, or sit here all night?"

Alanis knitted her eyebrows together. "Okay. I think I got it."

"Thank God," muttered Artemis. 

Silence.

Artemis drummed his fingers on the board. 

Alanis stared at him, her violet eyes focused.

Artemis tapped his finger on the board. "You go first."

"Oh," said Alanis, "Sorry."

**Fowl Manor, one hour later**

"Checkmate."

"You eejit." Alanis stuck her tongue at him.

"Why do you act so childish?"

"Why do you act like something crawled up your arse and died?" 

Artemis shrugged and moved the pieces back. "Because it suits me."

They began another game. Artemis watched her ponder every move, and still manage to miss many obvious takes. He was purposely playing a very slow game, and he had to bite his tongue from calling out blatant lines of attack or actually play out the attacks themselves. It had been a very long time since he had played on an actual chess set—most the games he had played were online, seeking out champion chess players for a challenge. In fact, he had never played against someone who wasn't at least—half his level. Artemis watched her hesitate over a pawn cornered by his bishop, and then moved a different piece.

"That was a perfect setup! Why didn't you take it? Wasn't it apparent enough for you?"

"But that short thing—"

"A pawn," said Artemis patronizingly. 

"You could have killed it!"

"A pawn is a piece of no significance—it is to be used by the player for that purpose. A life of a pawn is not important." Artemis sighed and gestured to the board. "The idea is to establish a strong central point in conjunction with a pawn structure influencing the opponent play to the queen's side of the board."

Alanis gave him a blank look.

Artemis rolled his eyes. "If you moved that pawn forward, and let my bishop take it, it leaves your castle free to checkmate my king."

 "Whatever. Your turn."

Artemis moved one of his pieces at Alanis' end of the board. "Checkmate."

Alanis' eyebrows furrowed again. "Hey—that pawn can't move that way!"

"Once a pawn reaches the enemy's side of the board, then it can become a Queen, Rook, Knight, or a Bishop. So therefore, you have lost again."

Alanis folded her arms. "I'm going to go to my room now. Goodnight." She stood up and walked over to the door.

"I have a proposition to make."

Alanis turned around. "A what?"

Artemis sighed. She was making this much harder for him that it should be. "I want to ask you a question."

Alanis raised her eyebrow.

"Would you like to accompany me on an outing tomorrow?"

Alanis' eyebrows shot up in surprise. After a few moments, she started laughing. "You mean, like a _date?_"

 "I fail to see anything humorous about the situation."

Alanis had doubled over, chortling. "_You_—and—me—" she said between gasps. Artemis glared at her, and she coughed. "Okay. Spill. What do you really want?"

Artemis raised his eyebrow this time. "Your company, of course."

"I don't have a company, and don't try to get cute with me. I know guys like you don't ask out girls like me for nothing."

Artemis tapped the chessboard and traced his finger along his king lazily. "My father does not wish for me to participate in _certain_ activities at home, and I wish to spend a day without him under the pretense that you and I are going out together. Do not flatter yourself in thinking that I would want your vacuous companionship."

Alanis narrowed her eyes. After a moment, she snapped, "Well, what makes you think I'll go with you?"

Artemis smiled his vampire smile, and he could see how it disconcerted her. "Tell me about this _Important_ file you keep…it's intriguing."

Alanis sat back down on the opposite chair, giving him a cold stare. "My dad sent it to me. He likes stuff like that. Sort of like a treasure hunter. He buys me stuff he thinks I might like sometimes too." She fingered the diamond earrings she was wearing. After no response from Artemis, she continued. "This was his latest thing, I guess. He thinks that some of these pieces should go together and make a bigger one and wanted me to see which ones I thought go together."

"I see," said Artemis. "Do you do this often?"

Alanis shrugged. "What's it to you anyways?"

Artemis didn't answer. "Tell me… often do you partake in these…_father-daughter_ activities?"

Alanis tensed. Artemis could tell he had hit a sore spot. After all, he wasn't a genius for nothing. 

There were a few moments of silence. "Not much," she finally responded through clenched teeth. 

Artemis smiled and settled back in his chair, satisfied. He twiddled his fingers together like a thoughtful psychiatrist, which he was—as Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe, that was. "And how successful are you when he asks you to help?"

Alanis frowned at him. "Well, you should know," she said dully. "I make a right hames out of his job sometimes 'cause I pick the wrong thing."

"Ah…what does he do?"

Alanis shrugged. "Buys stuff. Sells stuff. Told you already, he's like a treasure hunter."

Artemis smiled at her. "Tomorrow I plan to investigate some of the pieces I found in your folder. What would you say if I can tell you exactly which pieces will fit together?"

Alanis looked at him, a confused look on her face. "What are you getting out of it?"

"Trust me. I will be reaping many advantages from this outing."

Another memory spiraled through his mind. _"To remind you that deep beneath the layers of deviousness, you have a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on it occasionally."_ Artemis smiled to himself…yes, he could smell it. He would figure this out. He wondered lazily about this memory and almost snorted at the implication. Decency. He was Artemis Fowl, after all.

_"Yes, perhaps."_

__________________

**Author's Notes: ** Yeah, the memory thing is going slowly…for now. Arty won't remember anything big until…Total Recall. Yeah, that's a future chappie…no idea when that will be, though. I have a vague outline of the story somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind. There was a bit of Irish slang in this chapter, which I tried to fit in (it's Ireland, after all…) An eejit is a an idiot, to 'make a hames of things' is to mess it up. Chapter Six: The Black Cat, Arty and Alanis go out and figure some stuff out, in which the People do some of their own things, and Mulch gets a cameo…o_O. Thanks so much for all the spiffy reviews!

Nostie: Hmm, plot speculation!!! Hehe, I'm not saying anything about the prophecy, just yet…yay, you're writing for my Challenge! Whee!!! 

Abigail Nicole: Easy to write? I have school! Evil, evil teachers…I had about three hours of homework on the first day…well, that was mostly my fault, because I failed to see the "every third problem" bit for math!!! ARGH! Heh…I write the LEP well, thanks!! You should be a literary critic…they get bundles of money. ^_^ Yeah! Ice cream!

Roxie Faye: Well, there is a lot more of Alanis coming up. As you can see, she's not very smart (kind of a plot point…but I digress.) I still sort of think she's a Mary Sue, but nyeh…she's a model who's physically fit…can fence…and isn't the sharpest crayon in the box. ^_^ Also has some major Issues…but don't we all? I want to see those dolls of her you made, too. XD

Oracle: Yeah, I get busted for staying up late to read too…bad, thing…once I 'went to sleep', came back out, turned on the computer…and yeah…way BUSTED. To answer your question…Master Mo is the neurotic fencing teacher with extreme Harry Potter issues…the idea of Mulch/Anyone is…Squick! And Alanis' father is Jonathan Night. Hehe. I'm not sure myself how's its connecting…well, that's the fun of it all…

Kingleby: I'm happy you think it was a good explanation for the Heart of Time… I like Foaly for being able to answer questions at given moments… 

**This chapter has been edited and the chess discrepancy has been fixed thanks to the help from the spiffy Booki Mcnerd. Lots of thanks! ^_^ **


	8. Chapter Six: Suspicion of Memory

__________________________

_"Do not trust your memory; it is a net full of holes; the most beautiful prizes slip through it."_

 –Georges Duhanel, _The Heart's Domain_

Chapter Six: Suspicion of Memory 

_________________________

**Royal Movie Theater, Dublin, Ireland**

Butler pulled up to the curb of the Royal Movie Theater parking lot. It was quiet in the backseat. Too quiet. Butler narrowed his eyes, remembering last night's conversation with the Fowls. It didn't make sense—to him, at least. Mrs. Fowl hardly knew her son at all, and her husband, being absent for most of Artemis' lifetime, despite all of his precaution and intelligence, had underestimated his son.

No, Butler knew his young charge. Very well. And Artemis knew this, Butler thought. Artemis trusted him.

Then why had he lied? Even when he knew that Butler wouldn't believe a word of the story he had fed to his parents—wanting to spend some time with Alanis and take her to a movie— this was Artemis Fowl the Second, the anti-social criminal prodigy who had earned over fifteen million pounds in the last two years.

Of course, that was not including the gold.

A month before Artemis had returned from school, Butler had received a call.

_"Fowl Manor."_

"Hello, I'm Joe Cartwright the Managing Assistant at Abditus Storage Systems. Mr. Fowl rented a block for the past two years. It expires tomorrow. Would Mr. Fowl like to continue storage?"

Butler, not knowing of any such storage rental, immediately went down to the company to investigate.

Inside was nearly a half-ton of solid gold ingots.

Butler checked all the records. Nothing indicated where the gold had come from, and how Artemis had gotten it. Something tugged at his memory, but he couldn't quite grasp what seemed so familiar. 

Artemis was hiding something from him. He had always told Butler his plan. Always. Artemis trusted Butler with his life. Why was he lying to him? 

Butler had meant to tell Artemis immediately when he returned from school. But Artemis seemed distant. Occupied. His usual disposition when he was planning something big—something that he always talked to Butler about. After all, they were a team. But Artemis hadn't sought him out at Fowl Manor. Nor had he spoken to him since in anything other than a master-to-butler way. Butler was almost disappointed. He'd missed Artemis' company and his trust.

And today. Artemis gave him no other information than what he told his parents. They had been delighted, of course. Angeline had been absolutely ecstatic about "her little boy's first date." She insisted that Butler drop them off and not follow them, for Artemis' protection.

And Artemis had agreed.

Butler walked around to the passenger door and opened it for Artemis, ignoring the curious stares of the people passing by.

Artemis stepped out, dressed impeccably in a crisp white shirt and black slacks. He reached back into the car and helped Alanis out. Her high heels snapped smartly against the cement pavement. Alanis looked the picture of a fashion model—sunglasses, haughty expression, and a stylish outfit complete with matching handbag. They looked conspicuously out of place on this normal street filled with normal people.

"Thank you, Butler. I shall see you at six o'clock." Artemis smiled at him. 

Butler hesitated. There should have been something more—added instructions, a secret plan, or a case file. Artemis Fowl the Second had never been simple. He couldn't go on a date without an ulterior motive. 

Could he?

~

Artemis watched the Bentley pull away and down the street. Alanis had turned toward the theater, linking her arm with his. "Okay, what picture do you want to see…"

Artemis yanked away a bit harshly. "We are not watching anything, especially not any of that mindless drivel."

Alanis stared at him, confused. "I thought you said we were watching going to the theater."

Artemis crossed his arms and gave her a cold look. "That is what my parents and Butler believe we are doing. However, I am continuing my research as planned. Don't you recall any of what I've told you yesterday? Or did you inhale too much of your hairspray this morning?"

Alanis sniffed. "I thought you changed your mind. You don't have to be a git about it."

"Let's go, then," said Artemis testily, starting to walk down the street.

Alanis stood still for a few seconds before she realized he wasn't going to wait for her. She scrambled to his side, her heels clacking. "Wait," she said, "Where are we going?"

"A library," answered Artemis tersely. "It's within walking distance from the theater."

They walked in silence, the noise of the bustling crowd surrounding them. After a few minutes of Alanis getting jostled aside by the quickly moving crowd, she linked her arm with Artemis again. "So many bloody people," she muttered.

"There _are_ over a million people living in the city," said Artemis disdainfully.

Alanis annoyed him with her insipid comments, but there was something comforting about her presence beside him; he'd never traveled anywhere without Butler, except for school, and everyone there left him alone. The crowd unnerved him.

The street seemed to stretch, and Artemis glanced at his watch. They had been walking for fifteen minutes, and the sun was blazing high in the sky. A trickle of sweat ran down his chin, and the crowd jostled him at every step.  

"How far is this library thing anyways?" asked Alanis testily. "My shoes are going to get ruined."

Artemis kept walking in silence. Alanis adjusted her grip on Artemis' arm as they passed by a particularly large crowd on the street around a man who looked suspiciously like Master Mo.

"Draco Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing FerretTM! Get yours today!"

A small girl rushed by excitedly, throwing a stuffed ferret in the air. "Bouncy!" she shrieked.

Artemis didn't even pause to raise an eyebrow when he passed by, spotting the large dome of the library complex in relief. The cool air and the books beckoned to him.

~

The library was huge. It was quiet and scary. The silence made Alanis nervous. How did all of the people stand it? She followed Artemis, who did not seem at all scared by the tall shelves filled with books. Fat books. With hard words written on their covers. Alanis shook her head. None of them looked like they had pictures. 

Artemis led her to a small table in the corner. "Wait here until I return," he said.

So that meant she had to wait then. Alanis sat down on the small chair. It was hard. And uncomfortable. 

Artemis was taking a very long time. Alanis was bored. She tapped her fingernails on the table. They were still Violet Passion. Maybe she should repaint them. Alanis watched her fingernails tap the table, making a very nice tapping sound. She wasn't quite so bored, but still wanted something to do. 

Maybe she could talk to someone. A girl sat at a nearby table, reading a book. She was wearing some really out-of-date jeans and sweater, but she didn't look that scary. "Hi," said Alanis loudly.

The girl looked up and gave her a mean look. She stood up and walked away, taking the book with her. Alanis stared after her, wondering what she did wrong, tapping her fingernails on the table.

"Would you cease that incessant tapping and transfer these books to the table?" 

Alanis stopped tapping and lifted the top book. She was greeted by a shock of black hair, blue eyes, and a pale forehead.

"Hi," she said to Artemis, setting the book on the table. It was heavy. 

Artemis rolled his eyes and put the other books on the table, making a heavy THUMP. A man at the other table next to them gave Alanis a mean look and moved too.

Alanis looked around the library. People looked at her funny, if they looked at all. She frowned. She didn't belong here.

Alanis turned around and found Artemis reading one of the fat books. She bent over and tried to see what the book said, but Artemis turned the page. There were no pictures, but a bunch of words so small she could barely see it. Artemis turned the page again. He read fast. And he was very smart, she thought. He fenced well, but played unfair. Alanis smiled at the memory and wished she had a blade right now. Swoosh! Heh, Artemis falling in the pool was really funny. Fencing was one of the things she was good at. But then that list was pretty short, unless you wanted to count looking pretty for the camera. 

Alanis vaguely wondered why Artemis didn't ever smile. She poked him and he looked at her, angry again. "How come you never smile?"

He gave her a weird look. "I smile when there is something worth smiling for."

"But it's not a smile. It's a mean smile, or a smug smile. It's not a happy smile." Alanis knew a lot about smiling. 

Artemis looked annoyed. He got up and walked away. Alanis looked down at the book he was reading. All of the words swimming together looked too confusing. There was one picture. Alanis looked closer—hey! It was one of those pieces of jewelry Daddy had asked her to look at. 

Artemis glared at her and pushed a magazine into her hands. "Amuse yourself." He sat back down and read.

Alanis glanced at the magazine. She'd seen this one already. She flipped through the pages and stopped at an advertisement. Oh, bloody hell. There she was again. Alanis glared at the picture, wishing she could rip it out. God. She hated her face. Was that all she was good for? 

**The Lower Elements, Chute E16>**

Mulch Diggums chomped on a piece of carrot he found in one of the bags. His stomach protested at the centaur food, but it was food nonetheless. He ran an expert hand around the other pockets of the fat suitcase, and found a delectable Fairy Fortune Express card, as well as some coupons for Spud Spud's Emporium. These Mulch stashed away in his pocket, checking the name. Fern Black. He sniffed, thinking it was a stupid name to go by. Someone named Fern Black probably liked to eat carrots.

More of the bags went through Mulch's careful inspection, and when he reached the end of the baggage compartment, his pockets were lined with more items, mostly were things he didn't need. Mulch sat down at the end, listening for the familiar grate of the shuttle landing at Tara. He smiled as he fingered his new belongings, and somehow his hands wound up on a little gold medallion on his neck. Mulch Diggums, although he knew he was alone, looked around suspiciously, then pulled it out.

It still gleamed, but after two years of wear most of the gold leaf paint had brushed off. That Fowl boy was clever, all right. Mulch wondered curiously what was in the disk—it looked like a disk—and then decided to look in the bags again for more food. Artemis better have some good grub at his place. He was starving. What kind of storage compartment was this, if the shuttle didn't even store food in it? 

The disk gleamed with secrets locked away as Mulch dozed off. While he was dreaming of Fort Knox, the key to Artemis' memories hung around his neck, as the shuttle sped towards the surface of the Earth.

**A/N:**I'm terribly sorry that this took so long. I wanted to make this chapter longer, but I'm incredibly busy and suffered from writer's block. I'm going to stop giving previews of the next chapter, because I keep changing them around to suit the story as it progresses. 

Ngyhtvision: Thanks for your support! ^_^ Now when will the Ivory Files be updated..*poke* 

lutefa: Interesting name...and I have posted more. 

starLOver11: Artemis gets his memories back sometime in the story. 

Tide: The pieces...are somehow coming together. Hehe. Is Alanis in the prophecy? Is her name in there? o_O 

Mystic Unicorn: Hmm, chess. I should fix that. Thanks. :) 

Lady Storm: I hope you haven't forgotten..chapter six is here! 

Libro: Thanks for your comments! ^_^ I appreciate the support. 

the Spaminator: o_O A dumpster with a bag of feral weasels? NO! Not the song! THE HORROR! 

darklight ascendant: Gonna fix the chess thing. Got that. ^_^ My OC is not an OC? o_O I'm trying...the consistencies are strange, but I'm attempting...Hehehee.. 

And until Chapter seven!!! Review and I shall be happy. Review and I shall write. ^_^ 


	9. Chapter Seven: Thrice Promises, Twice Vi...

Disclaimer: Copyright attackers beware! I get no money. 

 _When this frame fails me  
Will I trust you to carry me through?  
I know there's no such thing as safety  
but I know what a promise can do.  
Will I trust you, will I trust you to carry me through?  
I will trust you, cause I know what a promise can do_

–Trust, Thrice 

____________________________________

**Chapter Seven: Thrice Promises, Twice Vice**

**_____________________________________**

**Validus Hospital, Ancrya, The Lower Elements**

Lili Frond shuddered as she followed the nurse down the florescent hallway. Why couldn't they decorate at least a bit cheerier? The atmosphere was enough to kill. She looked down at her pink nails nervously. Why was she here? It wasn't as if she had any relatives who could have gotten that sickness-thing going around. The Frond line was pretty almost extinct, save for maybe a few distant cousins who lived in Atlantis. And they weren't as pretty as she was, and they changed their name to Fin. Or Fern. Something like that. Was one of them sick? Lili wondered. Hopefully it wasn't Daisy. She had been nice, letting Lili try on all of her Alantean clothes. Very trendy, although it made Lili feel like a fish. 

The nurse opened the door and wiped a tear away. "I'm so sorry, dear, I know how important  family is to you, and how you are the last of the Frond legacy…"

Lili waved her hand airily away. She got this all the time. Her stomach fell a few notches. Was it Daisy? 

"I'm afraid she won't last much longer," said the nurse, blowing her nose. She patted Lili awkwardly on the back and then left her alone in the room. 

Gulping a little, Lili drew back the curtain. 

Lili gasped with morbid fascination at the sagging eyes, yellowing skin, and the wispy hair of the frail figure in the bed. Mottled spots pockmarked her face and blue-green pus oozed out of large sores, pulsating with a glowing light that occasional sparks flickered in those depths. 

Lili stepped closer, half in fear she would recognize who the wraith was, and half that she would not. "Daisy?" she whispered fearfully. The elf's eyes were closed in what looked like excruciating pain. The few strands of the trademark Frond blond hair were drenched in sweat. 

"It's me, your cousin. Er. Twice removed? Three times? I don't know. It's me. Lili Frond." Lili gasped this sentence out quickly. Daisy didn't open her eyes.  "The one who went shopping with you that time your father wouldn't let you borrow his credit card. I helped you pick out those shoes you liked." 

Oh no. Her eyes were still closed. Lili gasped in horror…was she…_dead?_ She reached out her hand nervously to Daisy's yellowed limp hand on the bed. Lili's fingers grazed the pale digits ever so slightly.

They were burning hot. 

The eyes flew open violently, revealing a startling deep mauve. Lili gasped and drew her hand away as if she had just touched poison.

Lili's eyes danced over the abnormal length of the bed and frowned with distaste. "Cerintha," she said, biting her lip. Lili backed away several steps toward the door. 

"Nice to see you too," wheezed the figure, "dearest _sister._"

"_Half-_ sister," Lili responded coldly. "Why are you here?" 

Cerintha grimaced and glanced at her surroundings. "Why do you think?" she coughed.

"No," said Lili, her voice shaking but angry, "Why aren't you crawling in the Mud with the rest of your people, _halfling?_"

Cerintha's eyes narrowed angrily. "Shut up. I don't want to be with _your People_ anymore than you want me here." 

"You freak," huffed Lili, sitting down on a hard metal chair and glaring at Cerintha's riveting eyes. _She_ should have inherited them from Mother, not this disgusting abomination.

"So why have you come to visit me on my deathbed, big sister?" Cerintha said gratingly. 

"Don't call me that. And I didn't think it was you. If I knew, I never would have come," Lili spat. "I hope you die soon. You never deserved to live in the first place. We should have killed you the awful moment you were born."

Cerintha closed her eyes and leaned back into the bed. "You should have," she agreed softly.

Lili swiveled around in her chair. Did that freak just agree with what she said? Never, never, in her life, had this happened. Her gaze pierced the frail body in the hospital bed. "_What _did you say?"

Cerintha opened her eyes and Lili was surprised to see that they were wet with unshed tears. "I said you should have killed me," she said bitterly. 

Lili's mouth fell open and, realizing this, she quickly closed it. _I should say something, _she thought. Her mind came up blank, and she stood up to leave, upset and confused. 

"Do it now," coughed the voice behind her.

"_What?"_ Lili squeaked. 

"You have a gun, don't you?" Cerintha said mockingly. 

"What—no—why?"

"Isn't it what you always wanted to do?" she asked sarcastically. "Do it. Now. I _dare_ you."

Lili's eyes narrowed in anger and hastily drew out the Neutrino gun from her LEP utility belt and racked up the setting beyond the danger point to _kill._ She aimed between those violet eyes, her finger resting on the trigger.

"Go on," said Cerintha softly, eyes glimmering with an unreadable expression. "Do it." 

Lili's hand shook unsteadily.

"Come on, DO IT!" shrieked Cerintha. "I knew it, you were a bloody coward, too _afraid_ to even kill! You cheap excuse for an LEP officer. Gutless wretch—"

Lili screamed in anger and pulled the trigger crazily. The laser flashed at a skewed angle, ricocheting off an ugly lamp and singing the wall behind Cerintha. Smoke sizzled from the hole. 

"YOU! It's always about you, isn't it!" she screamed, waving the gun hysterically. "Why should I do you a favor?"

"I thought you wanted to kill me," remarked Cerintha. "So do it. Perfect opportunity."

"I _never_ wanted to kill you!" Lili said angrily. "I just wished you never were born!"

"What's the difference?" her half-sister mocked.

"You! I can't kill you because Mother…Mother…"

"What about Mother?" asked Cerintha. "What, you want to kill her too for sleeping with a Mud Man?"

"_NO!"_ Lili screamed in exasperation. "She _liked _you!"

Cerintha raised an eyebrow.

Stinging tears ran down Lili's cheek, ruining her makeup. How horridly unfair that Cerintha always made her so angry, Cerintha with her stupid snooty attitude, Cerintha with the good grades, Cerintha with _Mother's_ eyes—

An odd sound made Lili look at Cerintha. She was _laughing._ The nerve of her to be amused! "What?" snapped Lili.

Cerintha wheezed painfully. "Don't tell me you were _jealous?_ Of _me?"_

"Who else?" said Lili, shooting Cerintha a venomous glare. "Mother was always _so_ proud of her little halfling. Oh, look at how well she's adjusting! Look how tall she is! Cerintha this! Cerintha that!"

Cerintha looked at her, amazed. "You really think that is true?" 

Lili gave her a withering look. "You never had to try hard to get Mother to be proud of you," she said bitterly.

Cerintha snorted. "The only reason Mother was mad at you was how you treated me! And do you honestly believe you don't fit in? I never wanted to be a halfling. I didn't choose this life! I'm not good enough to be one of the People, no matter how hard I try," Cerintha wheezed laboriously. "I've never had enough magic to do anything worthwhile or get a job even if I do the Ritual every full moon. I'm too big to fit in any of the furniture, and I've never belonged in this world." She coughed up blue-green phlegm and looked up angrily at Lili. "Tell me, do _you_ ever feel that?"

Lili looked at the tiled floor, chagrined.

"Exactly! You had everything handed to you on a silver platter! The Frond family fortune! Elvish blood! No one ever questioned your ability to do a job because you looked funny, because _you_ always looked _perfect._" 

Cerintha paused to breathe, which seemed like it was taking her a lot more effort than before. "When I was banished I thought there was hope in life again. The humans aren't as bad as we think they are. They thought I was just a shorter human with an ear problem. And being half-magic wasn't bad at all." Cerintha smiled feebly and then her voice turned brittle and sour. "Then they came back for me. I was too obvious, they said. They mindwiped all of my friends. The people who accepted me. My _family._" Her chest heaved with pain and her breaths were short and arduous. "When I came back Mother was dead. And you wouldn't talk to me. I had no one." Cerintha looked glassy-eyed at Lili. "See, sister? My life with the People were unbearable. And then they gave me to the humans. But I didn't belong with them either. So here I am."

 "I'm sorry," Lili said softly. 

"You're not sorry," snapped Cerintha. "You've always hated me." 

Lily looked into Cerintha's eyes. Mother's eyes. Mother, who had died thirty years ago. "I don't hate you," she said, hoping the tears she was holding in her eyes wouldn't fall. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"So am I," said Cerintha, exhausted. She collapsed back on the bed. Something different shone in her face now. Something like hope, or trust, or maybe just contentment. "Can you do me a favor?" she asked, wheezing painfully.

Lili walked over to the bed and grasped Cerintha's limp hand. 

"Kill me." 

Lili shook her head, and the tears were falling now, streaking her face and ruining her makeup. 

"The medics won't do it. But I know there is no cure. It's better this way." 

Lili shook her head once more, her tears falling onto Cerintha's face.

"Please, sister," she begged.

Lili nodded unsteadily.

Cerintha laid back into the bed and smiled. Lili closed her eyes and pulled the trigger. The hand she was holding then slipped away, lifeless. 

"Say hello to Mother for me," whispered Lili, "sister." 

**A/N:** Review. It makes me happy. 

**A/N 2: **This chapter was originally part of an even longer chapter, which was about 11 pages on my computer and about half of my daily journal at school. (I have big handwriting.) So I split it up, yay for you! Look for another update soon, as most of the next chapter as well as the chapter after that is written. 

**A/N 3: **I know that several of you believe that Alanis is a Mary Sue. Yes, she has many clichéd characteristics, and I don't care for her much, but she's in this story and I am not giving up on her. True, I could have written this a lot better with the other character I had in mind, but I am not going to give up on Alanis. Hey. Think of it as a challenge. If I can pull it off, spiffy things will happen. If you have any more input on this you can feel free to drop me an email. 

**Chapter Eight: **The Netherworld Flamingo, Noodlewhip, Mulch, Foaly, and other good stuff going on underground.  

**Reviews: **Thanks all of you so much for putting in time and effort to write a few words on my story. I really appreciate it. It's what I write for. (Well, partly. Mostly because I want to amuse myself. And hopefully amuse others too.)  If I didn't get everyone, I'll do it now! Three cheers for my spiffy reviewers! 

_black-knight-1988:_ Humor, yes, I like humor, but sometimes its not my style. _ Sadly, I'm not as funny as I think I am. Look for more humor in the next chapter. And meanwhile, read the Ivory Files by Nyghtvision. And I'm glad you think Alanis is not a Mary Sue. ^_^

_Trinity Day: _ I'm glad you're reviewing again. ^_^ 

_Comex again: _Well, it wasn't quite so long a wait, but hopefully the waits between the next few chapters will be shorter! ^_^ Hope you liked this one. 

_The CheezHead: _Cheese is so spiffy! Whee! Yeah, it drags. _ Like rope. Well, it was exposition. Now we're getting more plot. I think.  As for the prophecy…yeah, it doesn't sound right with Colfer's line. Probably because it throws the meter off. Yup. Shall change that. And go update your fantabulous story. 

_ping*pong5: _ Yay! I updated. Hehe. I'm glad I got back on track. And yeah, I concur, writer's block and school is very evil. Especially together. And as for Arty remembering…there is a chapter planned called Total Recall. ^_^ 

_FireFilly: _ Wow, thanks! Yay! I'm not copying Eoin. ^_^ I like his ideas. 

_Mystic Unicorn: _ If Artemis and Alanis _kissed?? _ O_o Er. And as for the joke…you tried! It was kind of funny. I chuckled. You should come up for your own threat. Like mine is my league of horny toasters. 

_timerach3: _Good stories I like are on my favorites list, and I'm so flattered I'm on yours. ^_^ 

_oracle2335: _Interestinger. Hehe. ^_^ Thanks.

_Crystal Devine: _Awesome! Wow! Thanks. Hope you still think it's awesome.

_Booki Mcnerd: _Thanks for the spiffy chess site! You rock. As for consistency with Alanis…hm. I changed some of the earlier chapters. I think. I'm glad you think I haven't butchered Artemis. Sadly, he's not in this chapter. But you will see him soon.

_Yoda Goody: _Yoda is fantabulous too! Thanks for the spiffy words.

_LEP: Story Watch: _ A better of all the fanfictions…thanks for the lovely compliment, but I beg to differ…I think there are more talented out there than I. Check out my favorites list. 

_Simply Myself: _ To get an Angsty Harry Potter ™ plushie, meet the man dressed as a Chiquita Banana on the corner of 8th and 2nd at midnight. As for the fencing scene unlikely? Hmmm…so are fairies living underground, and Colfer's entire world! Fantasy rocks. Hehe. ^_^

_liquid*crystal: _Yay! Different plot lines are fun. Thanks for reviewing, and go update Artisan Cliff. *poke*

_Nyghtvision: _I've updated! Whee! (The next update will come sooner, though. It's all the other stuff. I found this part too long and gave it its own chapter.)

_shampoo: _Arty is still his slenderiffic self. People who can fence aren't necessarily buff; they have to be agile and fast. And I agree about criminal masterminds looking cooler (especially Artemis) when slender. ^_^ 

_?: _Romance? O_o Did I say there would be romance? Thanks for the compliments though and the suggestion about Alanis's MS-ish-y-ness. See A/N 3.  


	10. Chapter Eight: Breaking Barriers

Dedicated to Nyghtvision, who didn't mind at all me borrowing the Netherworld Flamingo for a go. She owns Bob, Caspian, the Random Parrots, as well as helping me out with a few lines..…Go read the Ivory Files. It is the most hilarious story with an excellent plot. Because I said so. And it's spiffy. 

As I rest against this cold, hard wall  
Will you pass me by?  
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?  
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won  
Only to find the war has just begun  
  
Is he not strong enough?  
Is he not pure enough?  
To break me, pour me out, and start again  
Is he not brave enough?  
To take one chance on me  
Please can I have one chance to start again?

—Stacie Orrico, Strong Enough

_____________________________

**Chapter Eight: Breaking Barriers**

**_____________________________**

**The Netherworld Flamingo, Downtown Haven, The Lower Elements**

Holly ignored the dancing penguin that had just flew by her ear that was chasing a rather harried looking talking parrot, who squawked, "Dead men tell no tales!" 

"Refill, Cap'n?" Caspian, the young elf who ran the bar, twirled a bottle expertly. Well, almost. It slipped and fell out of her fingers, and Caspian disappeared underneath the bar for a moment and reappeared holding the bottle aloft. "I'm okay," she announced solidly.

Holly smiled and held out her Coke on the rocks. Caspian poured her another round of the bubbly drink and hopped over the bar to join her. "Slow night," she remarked rather sadly. 

Holly's hazel eyes raked the brightly lit karaoke-bar-grille-restaurant-theatre-club, which at the moment whose sole occupants were herself, Caspian, the Random Parrots, the penguins, the flamingo statuettes, the Atlantean bogglefish, the new giant squid…Alright, it wasn't really _empty,_ because the Flamingo could _never_ be empty. 

But the usual crowd of rambunctious fairies enjoying music, mysterious drinks, and the Monty-Python atmosphere of Caspian's infamous establishment was gone and the general atmosphere was one of emptiness. Even with the parrots, penguins, flamingos, bright lights…the Flamingo looked rather lonely with out the noise. 

"The plague, is it?" remarked Holly, watching her Coke fizzle. 

Caspian nodded, her chestnut hair bobbing up and down. "Either that or Noodlewhip has been scaring customers away." 

"Noodlewhip?" 

"The giant squid. The bogglefish haven't been the same since he joined them in the tank," Caspian stated matter-of-factly. "Excuse me," she said, hopping off the stool clumsily-yet-gracefully and going to inspect the neon-lighted tank. The exotic Atlantean fish were huddled in a corner, boggling at the squid in fear/awe/amazement/curiosity. Holly guessed it was awe from the way one bogglefish offered Noodlewhip a pebble from the purple depths in worship. Her own bogglefish Bob did that sometimes when she fed him. 

"Caspian," Holly took a sip of her Coke and hesitated, wondering how to say it. She looked at the fizzy brown bubbles again, seeing her reflected hazel eyes blinking back at her. How many of these have she had again? 

Caspian stopped poking the tank and looked up. 

"Are you scared?" 

A Random Parrot flopped down next to Holly in a flurry of yellow-green feathers. "Say no to lettuce!" it squawked.

Caspian blinked at Holly. "Of Noodlewhip?" 

"The _plague,"_ sighed Holly, looking into the depths of her Coke again.

"Oh." Caspian stared into the fishtank. "I'm not scared of Noodlewhip. But I am scared of the plague." 

A parrot landed on her shoulder. 

"Scared to death," Caspian whispered. She gave Holly an apoplectic smile. "I know you aren't, Holly, after all, you've faced worse, right? Like a completely smashed Trouble."

Holly grinned at her. "He was so drunk he was flibbering about pink elephants."

"Oliphaunts," corrected Caspian.

Holly smiled, but the last vestiges of the sugar was leaving her, as well as the funny memory of her co-captain crooning to an imaginary being that was pink. "It's a lot worse, Caspian," said Holly morosely, "How can you fight against a plague? I mean, it's not like a triad of goblins or anything. You can't see it. You can't do anything about it until you're dead. How, Caspian, how?"

Caspian blinked at her again. "Forty-two," she replied finally.

Holly returned the blank look. "Huh?"

"Forty-two is the answer to the Question of Life, the Universe and Everything," stated Caspian, as if that explained it all. Seeing Holly's dubious look, she added, "You could try asking a parrot."

"Random Parrot," addressed Holly, feeling rather stupid. "Same question."

"Awk!" squawked the parrot. "Listen to the knight! And read the fine print before you sign. Awk!"

Caspian shrugged. "Another drink?"

Holly smiled in spite of herself. Somehow the Netherworld Flamingo and its eccentric owner never failed to cheer her up. 

**Police Plaza, Haven, The Lower Elements **

Foaly carefully plied the last wire, squinting carefully through his protective goggles and soldering it into place. 

He stepped back from his latest invention and sighed with satisfaction.

BANG.

The door burst open, and Foaly jumped back in a startled shock, banging his forelegs into his worktable.

His masterpiece shuddered.

Foaly stared at it for an excruciating long moment. 

Then it fell apart.

Foaly stared at it in disbelief for a few seconds, and then he turned abruptly around at the intruder, agitated and very annoyed.

"You!" he shrieked, pointing his blowtorch at him.

The pixie in a Council uniform stood unfazed at the angry centaur in too-large goggles waving a blowtorch hysterically.

"By order of the Council of the Lower Elements…" he began in a dignified voice, unrolling a decorative scroll. 

Suddenly the scroll was yanked viciously out of the pixie's hand mid-read and pinned to a wall by a feathered dart. It also took a good-sized chunk of Foaly's hair. Commander Root shoved the Council pixie out of the door. "AND STAY OUT!" he roared.

Foaly looked over the piece of parchment pinned artistically to his wall. "Well, we have official permission to look for the Heart of Time," he said.

"Send Short and Trouble up immediately," growled Root. "We don't need to waste any more time," he added.

"Starting Monday," said Foaly, looking over the signed parchment. 

"WHAT?" fumed Root. Foaly ducked as an unknown projectile exploded against the wall. 

**Fowl Manor**

The doorbell rang. Butler looked up from the priceless Athena vase he was dusting in the hallway. He briefly wondered who it could be, then decided it was probably a Loginov servant with a message. Angeline was in the parlor having tea with her friend Irina Loginov, and Artemis Senior was out visiting several business associates.  The house was quiet except for the faint pristine chatter from the parlor and the swishing of his feather duster.

The doorbell rang again.

Butler walked to the massive door and tapped the wooden paneled wall next to it, revealing a state-of-the-art security system. The hidden camera above the door revealed a short thing resembling a person that was covered head to toe in rather odd apparel. The head was covered with a large vulture-topped hat, and the face was concealed with a balaclava and sunglasses, and a carrot protruded from where a mouth supposedly was, and the entire apparatus was upheld by a trench coat that dragged several feet on the floor, too tall for its wearer. 

Butler reached for his hidden gun, ready to fire, should this strange figure prove to be dangerous.

He opened the door.

"Hey, Butler," said a cheery voice that seemed oddly familiar. "Long time no see."

**Somewhere in Ireland**

"You've been biding your time, Alex."

"No, no! I sent it already. You should receive it tomorrow. Or today."

"It better be today."

"It will, Jon. I'm sure of it. Make sure it is passed with the plans and the brilliant passagework." 

"You have no need to fear, Alex." A slight chuckle. "Everything is going according to plan. The barriers have been breached." 

**A/N: **Wasn't that fast like I promised? Hehe. Well, I'm sort of sticking to a sort of outline. 

**Review Responses:**

_Comex: _Weirdness is spiffy. Whee!

_The Cheezhead: _Was that soon or what? ^_^

_Eve: _I hurried and I updated. Whee. 

_Nonchallant: _I didn't quite write like the wind, but I updated! Whee! I'm glad you think I write Arty well. Oddly enough, he's not in this chapter either. But we'll get back to him soon. 

_black-knight-1988: _As for the human-fairy relationship subplot in the last chapter, the human man was mindwiped. As for their meaningful relationship…well, they only had a one-night-stand, that's all. They're both dead, so they're not much of use to the story any more. ^_^ I tried to do humor, really, I did! Hehe. 

_Trinity Day: _Lili Frond fascinates me for some reason. I see her somewhat like Juliet…somewhat. Twist and turn this plot will take until you're all so confused! Whee! Fun. 

_Identity99: _Wow. ^_^ I'm flattered that I'm on your favorites list. Now go update The Real Artemis. Come on, I'm waiting here…don't make me tell the evil penguins. 

_Roxie Faye: _Whee! You're very smart, I can give you that. There is a lot of foreshadowing/hints about what is going on, and about who's who…so let me tell you, you're on the right track..^_^ But I won't say anything else.

_darkwanderer: _Why thank you. ^_^ 

_darklight ascendant: _Everything happens for a reason. And if it doesn't, than ask the evil plot bunny. 

_Nyghtvision: _AHH! Air molecues! Aren't they always getting in the way? Yay! You felt the angst! Huzzah! Side-plots are fun. You do side-universe well too, except I would probably get lost in them and forget to come back to the story. As for the air…how about a vacuum? If it doesn't work, it always makes spiffy squeaky noises. 

_Mystic Unicorn: _ I deliberately spell it Elvish. After all, if you're going to say elves, why not elvish? I don't think it's right to say Elfish unless you say elfs. Which looks wrong. And Tolkien is king. ^_^

**Chapter Nine: ** We return to Artemis and Alanis to find out what they are up to and whether Alanis has fallen asleep from sheer boredom and whether Artemis has decided whether or not to get rid of her yet. Maybe some more mysterious things happen, and of course, Butler gets to figure out that that thing on the doorstep is. Now review otherwise I shall throw a horny toaster at you.


	11. Chapter Nine: Leather and Librarians

Artemis Fowl: The Heart of Time 

**by Aerin**

What has happened in the many-month wait for Aerin to update? Well, Artemis is very bothered by Alanis, who isn't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box and isn't helping figure out his weird memories, and Butler has discovered something (_not_ a very short Snape-boggart) on his doorstep. In this chapter we shall discover whether Artemis has beaten up Alanis for the sheer lack of being trapped in a library for so long, and Butler and Mulch sit down for tea. And oh yeah…Artemis wears leather.

_And look at them boys in leather jackets  
Second skin, not fade away  
Danger girls love leather jackets  
Play back to back, and that'll be the day  
Leather jackets, that'll be the day  
  
We all need to smell the heat  
You know that things go better with chrome  
Is Memphis real or just a song  
Three thousand miles from home  
Be a cool jerk, don't work  
When fashion makes you change  
Keep the faith, don't waste  
Another nickel on another name_

_Elton John, _"Leather Jackets"

**Chapter Nine: Leather and Librarians**

****

**Central Library of Dublin, Dublin, Ireland**

Artemis sighed and slammed the book shut. His notes and photocopies littered the table, and Alanis had her face buried in the magazine, asleep. Artemis glanced at her sleeping figure sprawled over the table, and then looked at his watch. Four-forty-one. He massaged his temples and gathered all of his papers, stacking them neatly together. Artemis folded it then surreptitiously slipped it into Alanis' handbag.

He poked Alanis' arm.

Nothing.

Poke.

Nothing.

Artemis frowned and prodded her again.

Alanis jolted up suddenly and snapped, "I'm sorry! I'll try harder next time!"

Artemis raised a curious eyebrow.

Alanis shrank back in her chair, and embarrassed flush tinging her cheeks.

"We need to be going," stated Artemis.

"Oh. Right," she said, getting up and following Artemis to the door. "Did you already finish whatever you were doing?"

"Not quite," said Artemis. He would need access to a computer and the Internet. That would be a problem, considering how his room of electronic equipment was barred. Of course, the library had computer access…

"Excuse me," he said to a cross librarian woman sitting at the counter next to the door.

"Yes?" she wheezed, adjusting her glasses.

"May I use the Internet?"

"Hold on, dearie," said the woman, pushing her chair back and peering down at the table. She scanned several sheets of paper.

Artemis rolled his eyes. How the city get away with employing senile old women who couldn't see was beyond him.

"All the computers are full," she wheezed again and gazed a bifocal-covered eye at Artemis. "You'll have to wait at least forty minutes."

"I'll pass. Come, Alanis," said Artemis briskly, walking out of the door. A blast of heat greeted them as they walked back to the theater.

**Fowl Manor**

Butler stared at the diminuitive creature.

It looked up at him. "Invite me in, will ya?"

Butler stood frozen. All his rational senses told him to slam the door shut right then and there—but something kept him unmoving, staring at the oddly dressed—er—thing.

"Eh, doesn't matter," it—he—said, shoving past Butler into the hall. "Got any grub? I'm starving. Luggage. Psh," it snorted. "The people simply don't pack enough snacks to feed a hungry thief."

Butler was still staring at the empty doorstep in front of him. Suddenly his body unfroze and within a few moments (he mentally was miffed that it was no longer _one_ moment, but he was getting rather old) he had lifted the figure up in one arm. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" he growled threateningly.

The face he was making usually sent grown men into a blubbering, quivering mess.

This one however, grinned and said, "Haven't changed a bit, now have you, Butler. It's your old pal Mulch Diggums."

**The streets of Dublin**

Artemis was deep in thought pondering his dilemma and didn't notice much of the passing street. He did know that Alanis was walking slowly behind him, doing some idiotic thing like staring at the sky and making fish faces at random passersby.

They were passing by a public high school when Artemis swiveled around to find Alanis staring at her feet, several meters behind him. "What _are_ you doing?" he said menacingly and walking back.

Alanis grinned and grabbed a piece of paper off the floor where it had blown across her feet. "A party!" she said happily. "I love parties. Let's go"

Artemis glared at her and snatched the flyer. "I have no time to waste on idiotic social activities. There are more urgent matters to be dealt with. How I can access the Internet, for example—"

Alanis huffed and walked ahead, crossing her arms. "Couldn't you have done that at the library?"

Artemis quickened his pace to catch up with her. "No," he said in an exasperated sigh. "I need to figure out where I can go online without raising my father's suspicious—

"

His eyes held that dangerous look as they usually did when he was deep in thought. Artemis looked down at the flyer he was holding.

_OPEN HOUSE PARTY_

_7 PM_

_Josh Anderson's place_

_46 Ogham Drive_

_Dun Laoghaire_

Artemis' mind raced quickly. Josh Anderson played on the football team of the public high school, since St. Bartleby's did not have one. No doubt the party would be a loud and uproarious mixture of the upper class St. Bartleby crowd and the hobnob mess from the public school. Artemis frowned, remembering the excited whisper among the girl-starved boys from his school as they passed around the flyers before school let out. Rumors of the "house party to end all others" had spread like wildfire. Of course everybody who was anybody was going to be there.

Likewise, Artemis had not actually been invited. But it was an _open_ house party. And Josh Anderson owed him a favor.

"Alanis," he smirked at her, "What say we crash a party?"

**Fowl Manor**

Butler stood in shock. The name should have meant nothing to him, and he should have slammed the door in the dwarf's face.

How did he know it was a dwarf?

More importantly, why did his instincts tell him to put the dwarf—Mulch Diggums—down?

Butler, still not sure of what was going on, trusted his instincts. He let go of Diggums' collar and the dwarf plopped to the floor unceremoniously.

"Butler? Are you alright?" called Angeline from the other room.

"One of Artemis' friends came calling," replied Butler. _Don't lie, _ part of his mind told himself. Another part of him insisted that it was the truth.

The creature—dwarf—removed its horrid vulture topped hat and pulled the balaclava to reveal a face covered with a yellow gooey substance. He grinned at Butler. "We've got a lot of business to discuss. But first—food! I'm starving."

Butler blinked at him. "I'll go get the tea."

**Clery's Department Store, Dublin**

No sooner than the words had left his mouth than Alanis had let out an unearthly squeal and hugged him round the middle then proceeded to drag him to what else—a bloody shopping spree.

"Alanis, I really don't think this is necessary—" he said, looking around nervously hoping nobody spotted him waiting outside a dressing room in a section that was obviously for _girls._

She tutted at him from behind the door. "'Course it is! I can't go wearing this outfit, I've already worn it today…I saw the cutest thing in that store there, and you'll need to wear something, that shirt is _awful_—do you honestly think they'll let you into the party wearing _that?"_

Artemis scowled and was about to tell her that he was immaculately groomed and looked perfect when something pink and fluffy hit him on the head.

"I look awful in pink, makes me look like a marshmallow or something—"

Artemis scowled, sitting down on a feathered pouf and holding the pink thing gingerly and held in the comment that marshmallows were white. A passing clerk gave him a strange look. Artemis quickly dropped it. "That's—not—mine," he blurted.

The door opened and Artemis stood up to reprimand Alanis for making him look like a—

He stopped.

Alanis twirled around in front of the mirror and flashed a smile. She was wearing one of those form-fitting dresses that kind of swished when you spun, like how Alanis was right now.

Artemis blinked, then said, "Looks nice. Let's go."

Alanis went back in the dressing room and he was hit with the lavender dress. "Go buy that while I change."

Artemis spluttered. "Me? Buy?" It wasn't like he couldn't afford it, but if the girl thought she could just buy the entire mall on his bank account, she thought wrong.

"I left Daddy's credit cards at your house," she said. "Go on."

Artemis grumbled and walked to the counter, where the clerk who had _looked_ at him earlier grinned at him.

Artemis tried very hard not to lose his composure as he looked around. Two teenage girls tittered as the clerk—a boy about his age with a very shiny earring studded in one ear—scanned the dress.

"It's not for me," he said loudly.

The clerk grinned at him again and gave him a shopping bag. "Quite all right," he said understandably, laying his hand on Artemis' as he handed him the bag.

"I'll—be—leaving now," blurted Artemis quickly and turned around, relieved to see Alanis. "Come on, let's go—"

Alanis laughed at him and pulled him into another store. "Aw, why didn't you stay? He was cute," she added.

"I'm—_not_—like that!" spat Artemis. "Are we done? Come on, let's go, it's nearly six now, I have to call Butler—what _are_ you looking at?"

Alanis was studying his face. "With your complexion you shouldn't have your hair slicked back like that. It creates unnecessary tension on your forehead giving you this uptight pain-in-the-arse look."

Artemis stared at her. It was the most coherent thing she had said all day.

"May I?" she asked.

Artemis blinked at her. Alanis seemed to take it as a yes, licked her fingers quickly and swiftly pulled at his hair for a few seconds. She leaned back, satisfied. "Alright. Let's get you in some leather and you actually might look kind of hot."

Artemis let her drag him along and he managed to catch a glimpse of his reflection in one of those over-polished windows. His hair was tousled and hung about his head in dark waves. He actually looked…cool. Artemis smiled. This might not be so bad after all.

He was wrong. Alanis was grinning at him, holding up a pair of leather pants that looked too small for him.

"No way in hell. I am not wearing _that,"_ he said defiantly. "Leather makes strange noises. Fowls do _not_ make strange noises."

**Chapter Ten: **Will Angeline find out there is a dwarf drinking tea in her house? Will Butler regain his memories? Most importantly… Will Artemis wear the pants?

**A/N:** Tada, yes, I am not dead. I am living and breathing summer and writing too. I finally have updated! Yes, I deserve to be sporked for taking so long. But here it is in all it's glory! Credit goes to some anonymous LJ icon for the leather comment, and to the movie _Zoolander_ for some of Alanis' character (and a line here or there.) If any of you were smart, you caught in the last chapter the pokes to _Deep Wizardry_ and _Pirates of the Caribbean._ Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, no? Next chapter coming soon. Review and it will!

_feififoefum:_ hey eggie…I updated! Hah. Thanks to your constant reminders. Muahaha…I know your phone number…muahahhaa…

_mad sam:_ yes, I am awake now. J

_Brightness: _it's a big tough to avoid the clichés, but she's a silly character, really. Very…odd. Go watch _Zoolander. _Thanks…we should brainstorm! Cinnamon flavored dental floss, eh? What about cheese flavored?

_Phoenix:_ yes, Mulch is trying to emulate boggart-Snape. But he has grease on his face instead of his hair.

_liquid crystal:_ thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this part.

_Roxie Faye: _ hope you got your Mulchies satisfied! Yes, he and Butler have tea. Whee!

_pingping5 _yup, I did snaffle some. I like that word. Snaffle. I'm gonna snaffle that too. And I just sent the latest chapter of Cry to my beta, so expect that soon!

_Pedagoggie: _snazzy! Whee! I am snazzy!

_Captain Amy: _Keep trying to write! Don't give up not even when the evil penguins come for you…

_Zucchini: _why yes, I have been reading _Deep Wizardry. _And there is a reason to the madness…you shall see. And if you want a bogglefish, go ask Nyghtvision. She is the creator of the Netherworld Flamingo, bogglefish and all. Although Noodlewhip is mine.

_Szhizofrenic Inner Child: _Wow and thank you! You rock as well. Go update your stories.

_The Cheezhead: _yes, the plot has thickened to a seemliness of cheesecake…mmm..

_darklight ascendant:_ Don't blow up the Flamingo! Well, if you do, tell Nyghtvision. She's the owner of this here club and I have no say in it. Go ask for her permish.

_Lessa3: _Yes, bubbleheads are cool. Hmm…now is it Alanis and not Lili? Whyever would you think that? Oh dear, if that's true, the People might be in even more trouble than I thought…Yes, you've caught all the spiffy things. Keep writing your own spiff and update as well! I shall when I can. J

_Nyghtvision: _Yes, there are many nods all over the place I want to fall my head off. Whee! And here's a blowtorch! Catch! You might want to use it, someone wants to blow up the Netherworld Flamingo…hehe.

_Libro: _It's picking up quite nicely! Glad to see I put Root and Foaly nicely. They're quite silly. Alanis is amusing, but you are right…she will play…some part.

_super-sailor-saturn39: _There are plenty I'm sure you'll like too! But I'm glad you like mine.

_Nesuli: _Terribly sorry I couldn't update on your snow day. It's very sunny now…I think we've changed seasons. I'm awful..:p

_fearsomdiety: _ Yeah, Terry Pratchet rocks. Don't forget your towel!

_the black knight: _You guessed it…the Jon in the phone calls is…._not _Jon Spiro. Pay attention everyone! (I wonder who else besides you is reading it. Doesn't everybody gloss over these until they find their name and read their own bit…we'll see.)

_Incensio Lady: _Yup, Tamora Pierce rocks. Circle Opens series is very good. I particularily liked Street Magic. Briar is awesome. Whee! And go Monty Python!

_Nostie: _again…see Nyghtvision for a bogglefish. They're quite cute, aren't they? pokes

_Idendity99: _yes, Cheezhead rocks too. And I have updated! I'm happy you've gotten to work on yours…tooddledoo!

**A/N 2: **And that's it for today! That was Aerin, giving you the latest chapter of the Heart of Time! Tune in next week to see whether or not she has updated and whether or not Artemis will wear the leather pants! And don't forget to review, otherwise Aerin will send the league of evil penguins after you.


	12. Chapter Ten: Going Back

_This may never start   
We could fall apart  
and not be your memory  
Lost your sense of fear  
Feelings insincere  
Can now be your memory  
  
So get back back   
Back to where we lasted   
Just like I imagine  
I could never feel this way  
So get back back   
Back to the disaster  
My heart's beating faster  
Holding on to feel the same_

—Sugarcult , "Memory"

**Chapter Ten: **Going Back

**En route to the Anderson estate**

Artemis would not wear the pants. Alanis just didn't understand his weird noise thing. Well, leather did make funny noises sometimes, but that was _new_ leather, and after a while it would be strange-noise-less. She finally managed to get him into a leather jacket.

Alanis turned to glance at him. They were going to ride a taxi to Josh's place, the guy who was throwing the party. Artemis did look rather nice with the jacket and hair, and the smooth, polished words flying out of his mouth as he talked on the cell phone made him seem…for lack of a better word, cool.

"No, Butler, I have been invited to a party at Josh Anderson's house. Yes, tell Mother that we will be at his estate in Dun Laoghaire. Gold? No, I don't recall anything about that." Here Artemis leaned back into the seat, a puzzled expression crossing his face. "Perhaps its Father's, we do carry the same name. I'll leave the investigation up to you." Here he paused for a moment, and a slight tone of…what? warmth? crept into his voice. "Oh, she is? All right. Tell Juliet I said hello. Goodbye, Butler."

Artemis hung up the phone and stepped into the taxi. "Get in. We don't have all day," he said to Alanis.

Alanis rolled her eyes and started to step into the taxi. There was a sudden jolt by her side and Alanis swiveled around to see a man fleeing with her handbag. Her jaw dropped and Alanis heard Artemis gasp, "The files!" from inside the taxi.

Her eyes narrowed and Alanis sped off in hot pursuit.

The files. They could not lose the files, after all his work on them at the library.

"Follow that girl," Artemis told the taxi driver curtly.

"Yessir!" giggled the taxi driver, a ponytailed bubble-gum chewing woman. "Jus' like inna movies, eh? Alllus dreamed of doin' this…put on yer seat belt, 'cos here we goes!"

The taxi car sped roughly and Artemis quickly buckled the seatbelt, glancing out the window. Alanis was chasing the man and shouting angrily at him, shoving aside pedestrians and random objects.

"Shite," muttered the taxi driver, as she blew a bubble. "Red light." The car skidded to a stop and Alanis ran across the street, chasing the panicked man. The woman clicked the turn signal and it clicked _tick tock tick tock_ repeatedly. "Green light!"

The taxi swerved left and Artemis fell over from the force. He clutched the seat in front of him tightly.

"Bloody yellow! WATCH IT THERE, BOB!" she yelled out the window, spitting out her gum at a car that nearly slammed into them.

Alanis came into view, having cornered the man.

The taxi skidded into parallel parking next to her. Artemis let out the breath he was holding and opened the window.

"It's just a bag," the thief muttered.

"It's not _just_ a bag," snapped Alanis, snatching it back. "It's Prada." She walked over to the taxi, yanked open the door, and got in.

The taxi driver whooped. "You go, girl! Show 'em who's boss. Where to now, chief?"

Artemis gasped, "Dun Laoghaire. Ogham drive, number forty-six."

"You got it," said the woman, blowing another bubble and stepping on the gas.

**Fowl Manor**

Butler hung up the phone and took another sip of tea.

"Was that our ol' chap Arty?" asked Mulch, chomping happily on a scone.

"Yes," said Butler calmly. He could only be calm. He didn't know what to do with the information the dwarf had just thrown at him. It seemed ludicrous—fairies? It was laughable. But Butler didn't laugh. He went on sipping his tea and rubbed his bald head a little. Somehow, it made sense. _Could _make sense, he corrected himself.

"And out on a date, you said?" Mulch raised an eyebrow. "Never thought he paid any attention to the other sex."

"Apparently he does," said Butler. "So how do we know you?"

Mulch grinned. "I farted in your face. Remember?"

Butler was suddenly attacked by a disgusting memory of a pair of ugly buttocks.

It all made sense, then. The strange feelings of déjà vu that occasionally surfaced. His instincts not to slam the door in the dwarf's face. Butler poured himself another cup of tea.

**Anderson Estate, Dun Laoghaire**

The taxi dropped them off in front of an ornate gate. "Call Carraway iffen you need 'nother ride," said the woman, handing Artemis a business card after he paid her. She grinned at him and sped off.

"I'll call if I want an injury," muttered Artemis darkly, rubbing his arm where he had rammed into the wall.

Alanis laughed. "I thought it was fun. This the place?" She looked at the fancy gate and security system. Artemis thought it was rather gaudy (not to mention _hideous)_ but Alanis seemed impressed. "Whoa. The guy's loaded."

Artemis dismissed her comment and walked up to the speaker intercom, where a staticky voice greeted them as the gate slid open automatically. "Party's in the poolhouse. Keep to the right, and stay off the grass."

Artemis raised an eyebrow and walked in, noticing the camera studded on the gate pillar following them. Following Alanis, to be exact.

"His father is an Irish diplomat for the government," he said, even though he knew Alanis would neither understand nor care. What was that shiny thing swiveling in the pathway…another camera? Odd place… "There will be surveillance and security guards monitoring everything. People who work for the government tend to be paranoid."

Something clicked inside his mind as he took several strides ahead of Alanis and stepped on the camera, hearing a nice smashing sound underneath his foot. "Not to mention perverts," he muttered.

"What was that?" asked Alanis, looking at him.

"Nothing," said Artemis. "Come on, I see the poolhouse. The sooner I find Josh the better."

Alanis pouted, following him. "Can't we stay for awhile? I haven't been to a party in ages."

They entered a large veranda surrounding a pool. People were shouting and laughing, loud rock music roared, some were dancing, some were swimming, and Artemis could just feel the body heat suffusing into the summer night air, turning it into a tangible wave of sweltering tepidity. "Ugh. Teenage hormones and alcohol. Disgusting," drawled Artemis.

Alanis sighed, breathing in happily. "I love it. Come on, let's dance, I love this song!"

"I suppose it would help us seem like normal partygoers on an outing while I scan the room for Josh," said Artemis, trying to look for the familiar sandy-haired boy among the throngs of people. The scene of colorful garb and bright lights and moving bodies disoriented him, as Artemis was used to the cold still halls of his mansion. He couldn't see Josh anywhere. It was so damn hard to see in this light.

Alanis had pressed her bag into Artemis' hands and joined the dancers in a rhythmic swaying move unfamiliar to Artemis.

Artemis slid into the shadows, distinctly uncomfortable. Give him plots and schemes and bank robberies, and he knew exactly what to do. Here were a group of teenagers his own age and Artemis was at a loss. He couldn't try to blend in and dance, that would be impossible. _Mother had insisted I learn ballroom dancing, but I hardly find that suitable._

A girl with brown hair and an impossible amount of blue eyeshadow sidled up to him, two drinks in her hand. "Mm…I've never seen you before. Want a drink?"

Artemis eyed the green liquid as he accepted the glass. "What is this?"

She sighed, leaning on his shoulder. "No idea."

Artemis grew distinctly uncomfortable. There was a drunk girl practically on top of him. He tried to push her off but she seized his hands, the glasses of green drink clinking and breaking on the floor. "Kiss me," she demanded. Artemis could smell the alcohol on her breath.

Artemis swiveled around and shoved her. Another guy caught her. "Kiss him," he said curtly, walking off.

This might be a little more harder than he expected.

**A/N: **So there you have it, my quickest update ever. So leave many, many, reviews. XD

**WormmonABC: **Thanks for the comments! Yes, you picked up all the spiffing references.

**The Cheezhead:** Oh yes, you were my inspiration for Artemis' clothing in this chapter. Sorry for all of you who wanted him in the pants. I'm afraid our little Fowl protested horribly. Plus they wouldn't fit and they kind of tore and the store manager got terribly angry. Thanks!

**Raven Ghost: **yes, very smart you are! Very weird plot-thingies going on. Going back to the bodies...

**Schizophrenic Inner Child: **Woohoo leather! Hope you got more of your Arty fix in this chapter. Thanks!

**Lessa3: **Thank you for the chocolate, I updated! XD And yes, I'm insane--I mean unsane.

**holikaimelar:** thanks for reading! yes, Jonathan Night is a bit presumptous. And my offer to be your beta still stands.

**A/N 2: **Thanks for everybody who reviewed! Even if I didn't respond, I still adore you because y'all rock! :: hands all reviewers candy:: The next chapter coming soon. Clicky on the purply button and review!


	13. Chapter Eleven: A Little Virtuosity

**toccata**: n, A virtuoso composition (usually for a keyboard instrument) in rhythmically free style with brilliant passagework and rapid elaborate runs.

**Chapter Eleven: A Little Virtuosity**

* * *

****

**Anderson Estate, Dun Laoghaire, Ireland**

Artemis walked away from the drunken idiots snogging on the floor and tried to navigate his way through the throng of people, searching for Josh. It would be nearly impossible to find Alanis later if the entire crowd was drunk.

"Achi kaere."

Artemis looked for the sound of the voice and then looked down. A small Japanese schoolgirl looking very out of place glared at him. She was dressed in an impeccable uniform and her hair was split into two neat pigtails. The girl would have been a cute little thing if she hadn't been staring at him angrily.

"Excuse me?" Artemis said to her, unsure of what she had said. He knew a few Japanese words, such as please and thank you, but he was quite sure that it was not what the girl had said.

The little brat screamed and stomped on his foot. Artemis winced and hopped like an idiot for a few moments until the pain subsided.

"Gogo, stop! I told you to stay in the rec room!"

Artemis took time out of his mental curse of the human nervous system and noticed that Josh Anderson was standing in front of him, berating the small girl. The girl—Gogo, Josh had called her? –landed a sharp kick between Josh's legs and ran off.

Josh's eyes bugged out and he opened his mouth, but no sound came out. "Hey, Artemis. That was my little sister Gogo," he gasped finally.

"Adopted?"

Josh nodded.

"They didn't want her back, did they?"

Josh shook his head and managed to stand up straight. "Got that right, mate. I thought you weren't going to come"— here Josh managed to stammer embarrassedly—"So I didn't give you a flyer. Er."

Artemis held up a hand to silence him. "Quite all right," he said tersely. "You don't need to pretend I am in your social circle. I just happen to be in dire need of a computer. I believe you owe me a favor, Mr. Anderson."

Josh wrinkled his nose. "Mr. Anderson's my _dad, _mate! Don't call me that."

"And don't call me mate. Now about the electronics?" Artemis tapped his foot. He was getting impatient, and if he had to haul a drunk Alanis home, someone was going to pay.

The sudden smell of alcohol thrust under his nose told him it was too late. "Arty, have some, it's so loffly," Alanis said dreamily, draping herself on his shoulder.

Artemis glared at her and pushed her off. "Get off! This is an _Armani_ shirt! What do you think you're doing?"

"Having a good time," Alanis murmured, gazing at Josh. "Who's your friend?" she whispered in his ear.

Josh was staring at them. Actually, if he had been staring at Artemis our young protagonist would have found himself very disturbed. However, the case was that Josh was staring at Alanis, who was staring back with the same ardent gaze.

Artemis rolled his eyes. They were both drunk teenagers with raging hormones. It figured. "Josh Anderson, Alanis Night. Alanis Night, Josh Anderson. Now can you hurry up and lead me to your bloody computer!" He would have shrieked, had he been a normal teenager, but he managed to keep his voice under control because he was Artemis Fowl, after all.

Josh and Alanis both ignored him. "Want to dance?" Josh asked slowly.

"Sure," she said, taking his arm.

Artemis felt a headache coming on. He had a project to finish, and here he was playing matchmaker to two attractive yet vacuous teenagers. It was like a bad romance novel that needed a villain.

Artemis was about to spew his diabolical wrath when someone beat him to it.

"Well, well, well," drawled a cold voice from behind them. "If it isn't the village idiot."

Artemis turned around and faced another girl who was glaring at Alanis like a nasty bug that stank up the room. She had a pointed chin and a chiseled, cold beauty about her that permeated the air.

Josh glared at her, more than a bit annoyed. "Artemis, Alanis, this is Toccata."

She diverted her icy glare from Alanis and glance at Josh for a brief moment, and the ice in her eyes melted for several seconds.

Artemis could sense Alanis tensing behind him. He broke the awkward silence. "Artemis Fowl," he said, offering her his hand to shake.

Toccata's eyes danced from Josh to Artemis, those pale eyes raking over Artemis in an appraising glance. Artemis immediately felt uncomfortable but didn't break his cool, composed, stance. Did the girl have no manners at all? The way she was staring at him shouldn't be _allowed_, as if he was a slice of meat she was examining at the butchery, deciding whether or not it was tasty.

"Toccata Loginov," she said delicately, holding out a porcelain hand.

Without even the raise of an eyebrow Artemis caught her hand aristocratically mid-handshake and brought her cold fingers to his lips. Meeting her eyes, he kissed her hand chastely (as any mother would have been proud to introduce her son). Artemis felt a cold chill creep down his spine.

"Russian, is it not?" he remarked, letting go abruptly.

"Why yes," Toccata purred, "How ever did you guess?"

"You have a trace of an accent," said Artemis with her former coldness, "And the name gave it away." He turned abruptly to Josh. "The computer?"

"Right this way, mate," said Josh, pointing down a hallway.

"You surely don't expect _me_ to navigate through this maze of crazed people?"

"Come on," said Josh gruffly, walking off with Artemis and glancing back at Alanis once before he turned away.

Artemis followed, but not before he heard Toccata say to Alanis in a venomous tone, "_Dear_ Alanis…I believe you have something of mine."

_A/N: _With tremendous heaps of thanks to my loffly beta, Aryn, who picked out all the references without even blinking an eye as well as naming this chapter! Yao. Keep in tune for the next chapter, which shall involve some bad cats, continuation of weird phone calls with an annoyed Foaly, and we'll check up on the Mulch/Butler situation. Oh, and for those of you who are curious, _achi kaere_ is a rather rude Japanese phrase which roughly translates to "get out" or "get out of my way."

Due to my spiffingness to start the next chapter instead of respond individually all right here to all of your spiffy reviews, I won't post responsy thingies here unless I absolutely thing there's something the funny or interesting I need you to know about. Drink up me hearties, yo ho!


	14. Chapter Twelve: Look At Me

_AN: _Now that we've been all rested for the summer, I believe I have somewhere to kick off of…cliffhangers, anyone? XD

**Chapter Twelve: Look at Me**

****

_You may think you know _

_Who I really am_

_But you'll never …-_Christina Aguilera, _Reflection_

* * *

**Outside the recreation room, Anderson Estate**

The glass wall was cold and stuck to the sweaty palm of Artemis' hand. He made a disgusted sigh and hurriedly wiped his hand on his pants.

Footsteps rang out behind him. Artemis spun around just in time to see a maid scurry into another hallway.

"Josh, isn't there a key we can use?" he asked impatiently. Behind the glass a whole entertainment system had been set up: on one end, a television complete with a hidden DVD library; at the other end, a computer system with all the shades of iPods there ever were (and a few Artemis suspected had not yet been released.)

From this angle, outside the pool water threw strange glowing shadows on the walls, and the reflecting glass reminded Artemis of a chilly Victorian novel he had read once. Of course, it had been trash—but still—this was the kind of house that things went _bump_ in the night. Cold, filled with strange and dark objects.

Josh was twisting the doorknob forcefully to no avail. "I asked the maids already, mate. None of 'em can find it," he moaned.

A giggle. Artemis swiveled and stared through the glass. Where had that come from?

Josh made a confused face. Artemis was rather reminded of a monkey.

Artemis crossed his arms and leaned against the glass wall nonchalantly as if nothing had happened.

Another giggle. More high-pitched, this time. Josh's mouth dropped open and he jumped away from the doorknob as if he had been shocked. "The house is haunted!" he whispered in a small voice to Artemis.

At this, Artemis allowed himself several snickers of high contempt. "Silly boy, do you still believe in ghosts?"

Josh's eyes narrowed into small slits, until all Artemis could see was the small flash of each eye, one green, one blue. A combination most of the boys at the school would refer to as weird, scary, or even…paranormal.

But that was only in Artemis' vocabulary. And he knew that occasionally along the genetic line Josh Anderson could have very well had a few misplaced DNA strands here or there and he ended up with the chilly combination of green and blue.

CRASH.

"SHUT UP, OKAY!" Josh shrieked angrily, sending a bowl of fruit smashing into the floor. A pear smashed into the floor, and Artemis was surprised to see that it was an actual pear. "WE'RE IN IRELAND! NONE OF THIS FREAKY WITCH STUFF HAPPENED IN AUSTRAILIA, DAMNIT!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow, picking up the smashed pear to busy his hands. Although he was still composed, inside his heart was beating rapidly. Strange high-pitched giggles. A door that wouldn't open. Glowing shadows on the wall. "You lived in Austrailia?" Artemis asked curiously, turning the pear over and gazing at the purple _Real Genovian Pears_ sticker.

"For four years, yes. Born here, though." Josh looked around nervously, breathing in and clenching his fist. A vein was popping out of his muscled arm.

In this light the water was reflected onto his green eye…and Artemis suddenly was a little afraid. He took a calming breath to collect his thoughts. _I am outside a glass room with the answers to all my questions. I am standing next to an Australian outback boy who plays football. The shadows on the wall are reflections of the water…reflections…reflections…_

One shadow danced dangerously close next to Josh. Artemis stared at it, transfixed. The strange glowing greenish blue light spiraled gently across Josh's nose, then his eyes…

"Get it off me," Josh said with a whisper of fear. "GHOST! GET IT OFF!" he said, his voice climbing a crescendo of terror.

Artemis tossed the pear and caught it. Again. Breathe in. Breathe out. It was like meditation again, right? "There is no ghost," said Artemis in what he hoped was in a very bored tone. His heartbeat said otherwise. "There is no magic, and there is no—DAGGGH!"

A leprechaun had suddenly appeared behind Josh. Artemis's mouth dropped open for a second and the pear smashed into the floor in all its dead Genovian glory..

"Where? WHERE IS IT?" Josh shrieked, spinning around. Nothing. Gone. The leprechaun.

Artemis closed his mouth and wondered if he was going crazy. Hallucinations. _It must be the drinks, _he mused.

_I didn't have anything to drink. _

Now Josh was staring at Artemis like a maniac. Artemis turned his head ever so slowly and stepped away from the glass wall.

Inside the glass room, a leprechaun was dancing. It was short. Almost as tall as a human dwarf. A little on the heavy side, though. With red hair and crazy spinning eyes. And a big green hat with the bloody fat clover jammed into the band.

Artemis stepped away from the glass, unable to tear his eyes away from the creature. It was making silly faces at them. The tongue waggled and the eyes spun in directions Artemis didn't think were possible.

"Oof," said Artemis.

Josh Anderson—a very shaky Josh Anderson—had hugged him round the middle and was trembling. "There it is again," he whispered.

The leprechaun giggled delightedly and pointed at them. Then it disappeared again.

"How long has this been happening?" Artemis asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Ever since I moved into this haunted house," Josh whispered back.

Artemis' breath was speeding and he let his own heartbeat try to settle down. Josh's heart—he could feel it from behind him—was scattering to heavens know where.

"I think it's gone now," Artemis whispered back. "You can let go of me. I think you've nearly broken my ribcage."

Josh let go of Artemis and stepped back as if he had just realized he had huggled the social leper of St. Bartleby's. "Don't—don't _touch_ me ever again! And—this—this—never happened!"

"Nyah, nyah, nyah!" a small voice—a little old man's voice—squeaked.

The leprechaun materialized in front of them and picked up the fruit basket and lobbed its contents at them. Artemis ducked just in time to avoid being smacked in the head with an apple. It crashed into the glass wall behind him and Artemis sprang away as the shattered glass started to rain onto the floor.

Somewhere a distance away several girls screamed.

Josh screamed as well, joining in the duo song of panic and started to run down the hall way. The leprechaun chased after him, pelting pears and bananas.

Artemis realized his hand was bleeding. _The glass_—Artemis hurriedly licked it to seal the wound with saliva until he could receive medical attention.

The red-haired leprechaun looked back once and both of the crazy eyes fixated on Artemis. "You haven't seen the last of me yet, Artemis Fowl!" he shrieked with a malicious giggle.

* * *

_A/N: _Okay, so I lied. Sorry. It kind of…spontaneously combusted as soon as I stuck the ghost in there. XD But up next…the girls! Oh, and what is Holly Short doing inside the Anderson estate? Oooh---and watch out for the glass. It's sharp, doncha know. : Watch out for chapter thirteen, the Diamond Dogs! Diaaaaaaamonds….are….a….girls….best….friend! boop de doop! XD Again, loads of thanks to my beta Aryn.


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